18/12/09

Went to have my usual facial in gurney few days ago. It was supposed to be the last one ady but bought another package for maintain purpose. Acne is still not really cleared fully, so i guess another few times shud do the trick ba.. if not im reali gonna cry d.. After facial guess wad my parents did, thy brought me my bday gift, and to mark my 21st bday this year.. thy bought me a key necklace with a love design on it.. its not cheap but then i really love it. This is my 1st burffdae prezzie from my parents and mum said she'll keep till its my actual date onli den she'll giv it to me.. Wasn't able to take pics of the necklace tho, bt nvm lar... will post it after my bday. Nth special to other ppl bt then its a token of love frm them to me.. so it meant alot to me.

Well, im on a strict diet now, means no rice, no-flour contained foods, no junk foods... STRICT NO NO for about a mth... i am only allowed to take lean meats, lotsa vege's, fruits.. Dat's all.. Bt for the time being b4 my bday i got another extreme kinda diet.. My secret ingredient...shhhh~ i hope by doing dat it works.. i've been doin serious workouts these few days as well.. hope all these will turn to be good results for me.. i've been working reali hard to achieve this.. pls dun fail me..


Seems dat most ppl are on holidays now, and im stuck at home.. bt well, its good too as i dun reali have the mood to go out as well... i juz feel like lazy-ing on the bed the whole day.. starring at the computer.. doing absolutely nth except workouts.. dats all.. even with my bday ard the corner, i have no mood at all to celebrate it.. i do have a list of wishes tat hoped to be granted this year, but hopefully Santa would be kind enuff to grant them for me.. i've been a very good gal this year.. so pretty puleezeeee Santa..

My brain is not functioning well these few weeks.. its going haywire and the screw is getting loose.. HaiLat lorrrrr~
im writing this blog in a half conscious state.. cuz i'm sick at the moment.. my eyes are almost closing now bt his face is clearly in my mind now.. i miss him so much as days goes by.. i can't seem to get him out of my mind and i can't forget him. y does it have to be so hard.. bt im still hoping for the best to happen.. im still waiting~ and will keep on...

counting till xmas ~ 7 days

days b4 the end ~ 62 days... =(

16/12/09

9 more days to go till xmas.
But al of a sudden i didn't really feel the excitement, its like sth's missing.

Had a pretty massive argument with mum in the car just now. Its just abt the way things are lately. Me coming back and them being in this situation. Kinda think of it, mayb she was kinda right when she scolded me just now.. Tho its hurtful, but i wud take it as a challenge to prove to her dat i am not wad she say i was.. I hate being looked down at and hate it when people tries so damn hard to crush my hopes and dreams.. As chinese says "splash u with a cold bucket of water". But the more you look down on me, the more i know i will succeed in achieving it..

Well, lately my emotions is not reali at good stake, but now it has returned to normal ady.. I am bek to my old self now.. =) this feels good... i miss you..



don't tell me bad
no matter whose words it is, it will attract and open the eyes of drama
it will clear up like dejavu
you are the real and ideal super lady
until the morning
please tell me the password
Up to a morning It's get in "HOT"
WOW WOW i don't need anything
the moment i hold you i have no regrets
I wanna know about you
i can't stop my urges
moonlight Show You can be my Queen tonight
It's amazing love
it's flexibly so...
open the door to tomorrow and come
like a puzzle you're the last piece
oh baby, let me take U there
secret holic
Until the moning
the one i can see through is gonna stop
Up to a morning It's get in "HOT"
WOW WOW you've awoken a miracle
I miss you "TOP OF THE WORLD "
i can't come to my senses with your sweet kiss and i embraced everything
（Walking on the top of world)
I wanna know about you
i can't stop my urges
moonlight Show You can be my Queen tonight
until the morning
let me know your password
Up to a morning It's get in "HOT"
WOW WOW i don't need anything
I miss you "TOP OF THE WORLD "
the moment i hold you i have no regrets

Because of you <3

I... still... can't... get over you
I never forget...
Boy I never forget.... boy
Can't remember how many years it has been since we broke up
But I cry every time when I think about you
Why Im so eager to see you today?
The sound of rain droplets leaves my heart shaken up.

I regret giving you my love
I regret getting attached to you
I regret holding you back
Why do I have to face the pain alone?
I regret giving you my love
I regret getting attached to you
I regret holding you back
Why do I have to face the pain alone?
I tried to be your only girl
And did you ever understood my heart?
Now it became the compass
Of broken love
Tears are flowing down
And soaks the dry lips
Oh what should I do,Now I can't erase you out of my mind

I cried a lot because of you (I cried every night~)
I laughed a lot because of you (Because of you)
I believed in the love because of you (Wooh boy~)
Ive lost everything because of you
Im speechless, suffocating and lonely
The world without you has
Chewed out my heart
Stomped on my dignity
Torn apart my heart
So why did you leave me behind?

It also rained on that day
Youve stared at me wordlessly
Youve stared at nothing else but me
Those trembling gazes,And the awkwardly forced smile
Speaks of our separation.


I regret giving you my love
I regret getting attached to you
I regret holding you back
Why do I have to face the pain alone?
I regret giving you my love
I regret getting attached to you
I regret holding you back
Why do I have to face the pain alone?
Youve told me to leave
And the moment leave
You treat me as if Im insane
Its just too hard (boy slow down)
Then I cry silently and wordlesslyCause I want to stay next to u
My luv is true, wanna go back 2 when I was with u

I cried a lot because of you (I cried every night~)
I laughed a lot because of you (Because of you)
I believed in the love because of you (Wooh boy~)
Ive lost everything because of you
Im speechless, suffocating and lonely
The world without you has
Chewed out my heartStomped on my dignityTorn apart my heart
So why did you leave me behind?

I miss u I need u
Even in my dreams Im wit u..
I miss u I need u
Rewind back the timeI wanna kiss u again ma boy

My heart aches
Its too much to bear
And where are you? (I cried a lot)
Cant live without you
Please come back to meAnd stay with me


I cried a lot because of you (Yeah~)
I laughed a lot because of you (I laughed a lot~)
I believed in the love because of you (Oooh-Yeah~)
Ive lost everything because of you (Because of you~)
Im speechless, suffocating and lonely
The world without you has
Chewed out my heartStomped on my dignityTorn apart my heart
So why did you leave me behind?

The law of attraction..

Most people don't realize that the law of attraction works for everything. It's not just about attracting money, or that new job or car, or any other material thing you may want, it's about using it to attract everything you want in your life, including attracting love. Since the law of attraction is always on and you're attracting everything into your life already, why not do so consciously.

Law of Attraction Love

In using the law of attraction to attract love, you must have a clear vision of what you want in your ultimate relationship. We're talking details here, not generalities. And if you don't define exactly what you want, you may end up with a prince that turns into a toad or a witch disguised as a princess.

Attracting The Prince or Princess

The thing to realize about Law of Attraction Love is that you will be attracting to you exactly how you feel about yourself. How you feel about yourself, how much you love yourself---will be mirrored to you by the person you attract. So it is very important that you...

Love Yourself First

Every relationship we have, be they the ones from work, play, our communities or our private lives--all of these relationships reflect back to us the love we give ourselves. They will tell you or not whether you are loving yourself first.

While this may seem selfish, it is imperative if you are going to partner with someone else. If you don't love yourself, how can you love another? If you don't love yourself, how can they love you? When you are in a relationship, you will find that the way that person loves you is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself.

It really is that simple.

All relationships are mirrors of our own self- love.

So how do we attract love? By loving ourselves first.

This can be an incredibly challenging endeavor for most people. They have no clue where to begin. And it is not an uncommon problem. I find it everywhere I go.

One of the biggest problems in the world today is a lack of self-love. Once you learn to love yourself, you have the ability to be compassionate and caring toward others. Until you love yourself, you don't really have the capacity for compassion. If the lack of self-love is at the core of your life that will be reflected back to you every one you meet and in every thing that you do.

I think that's why people struggle for the best house, the best clothes, the best car, the best body---because there's something missing on the inside.

Having all these material things are great---but if you seek them to fill the hole inside, you'll find that hole is really a black hole that continually consumes everything around you. It affects and warps the energy field of everything in your life.

There's only one thing that fills the black hole within and it is self-love. There's no magic pill you can take that can fix it, but if you pay attention, apply your consciousness and start to love yourself first, watch out, because your life will change for the better.

You'll experience a forward momentum and soon find yourself with your own law of attraction love match.

2pm tired of waiting

Getting tired while waiting… (U know?)
Gotten tired while waiting and~
U Know, do you know how I feel?
Gotten tired while waiting~
Do you still remember me? (Oh~ no)
Even if a day goes by, I'll still remember you
Even if a month goes by, I still won't let you go
Can you understand my desires for you? (oh~no)
Going insane while waiting
and each day feels like a year.
Oh~ I, I I I~ was waiting and while I was waiting,( yeah~)
It felt as if you would come back
or if I look back I would see your face

Oh~ I I I I~ am going insane, going insane (yeah~)
I am holding back just in case you come back, (oh yeah~ )
I am still waiting (oh yea~)
Even if a month goes by, I'll still remember you.
Even if a year goes by, I still won't let you go
Can you understand my desires for you? (oh~no)
Going insane while waiting
and each day feels like a year.
Oh~ I, I I I~ was waiting and while I was waiting
It felt as if you would come back
or if I look back I would see your face
Oh~ I I I I~ am going insane, going insane (yeah~)

Why is it so hard
and everything's so complicated in my head.
I was waiting and waiting
and yet no answers from you
I didn't cry because of you
and you didn't leave because of me
So why is it so hard, why is it so hard?

I will wait for a year
or even a decade if I have to.
Oh~ I I I I I I I I will wait and it's fine if tire myself out.
Going insane while waiting
and each day feels like a year.
Oh~ I, I I I~ was waiting and while I was waiting
It felt as if you would come back
or if I look back I would see your face
Oh~ I I I I~ am going insane, going insane (yeah~)

12/12/09

my face is red and im down with slight fever..

these few days i've been having insomnia. can't sleep well, kept on thinking abt alot of stuffs.. my body is tearing apart yet my mind is still so wide awake.. i'll be starting my course next january ard 4th but due to insufficient place fr me and a student so our class is only 2days a wekk till march.. and frm monday till friday will b off and sat and sun will b d day we're having class... so im planning to take part time job to at least lower my burden for the moment.. i got too much to do and i need income coming in as well. xmas is coming d and i hav yet to plan out anything.. for this special day of mine, i dun reali wana clbrt with anyone excpt one particular person. but still the more the merrier rite.. heheheh...


been into korean songs lately, influence by si lang kent.. hahah..


but seriously its reali nice, even if u search in youtube, you'll love it cause of the meaning. i dun know abt those ppl out thr but then at times i feel the meaning in most of the songs xplains the feelings in my heart.. probably diz is y i love these songs.

well i guess blogging to me nowadays has been more like a personal journal for me to express my feelings.. bt still whenever thr's other things to blog abt im sure to blog abt it oso..

past few days old illness visited me again.. yea, the kind which reali likes to let u feel wad hell is abt kinda illness.. its back... argggghhh~ hate nia. i've been listening to the same song for the past few days while having a kinda sad feelings inside. i wan to find someone to talk to but i dun think anyone will b able to understand, so i guess keeping it inside is the best choice.. no matter how, at least im still smiling for those ppl i love.. u knw lar, girls pandai emo wan lar.. bt i guess im good in hiding my feelings cuz i dun think any1 realized it, except for nicole.. cilaka nia! all oso knw wan...

its not easy to put on a mask infront of everyone, its not easy to tell ppl u're ok while ure not and definitely its not easy to find a shoulder to lean on for u to weep. bt at least i can b hapi whenever i told myself, 'there's still hope'. i've been relying on the word 'hope' all this while.. 'hope' is wad keeps me strong for these two month's.

but, i smile whenever i see u smile. =)

9/1209

Its the 9th day of December.

These past few days, been having gastric attacks and kinda serious ones but still not as serious as the one i had previously dat had me admitted to the hospital. Been on medication these few days dat made me weak and face turn pale. Luckily got makeup to cover it up. hehehehe... had fever on and off. but shud b ok in a few days more d.. cuz the pain is not dat severe d.


how can i find that answer to my question and how can i stand up from the fall i had? does crying helps you to release your emotion? does acting silly cover your tears? does lying to urself helps u to feel better?

i did try to choose to live life more happily. but how come sth is missing. =(