I always thought that i'm aware of what im doing. But it seems that i don't. Sadness is a part of me, being emotional is a part of me, anger fills me up, disappointment always lurks around me while happiness is always a distance away or probably beyond reachable. Each time im frustrated i will turn on the music so loud that i could hear nothing but the music, close my eyes and dance..

I tried my best to be someone that i can say perfect, instead i am turning more and more into someone that is the total opposite. I am always so conscious about my looks, my looks and the way i act and probably i am too conscious that i turned into a monster. Maybe i am still that selfish that's why i am left alone till now.. Someone once told me that if i don't change i WILL b left alone..

I feel that its coming into a reality now. I feel changes happening, bad changes to me but mayb good changes for others. I can't stop being a drama queen, i can't stop being a BITCH.. i don't even know what i want. I feel so lost. I feel no one is there to pull me.. i feel so left out. i am beginning to hate myself for all that happened. I hate being so emotional all the times. i hate being so sensitive to every words people are saying. i hate it even more when im being ignored after an argument. i hate being left alone during my most weakest time.. I told myself to be strong.. i cannot let others have the chance to defeat me.. bt each time i failed.. i alwiz show the white flag in most of situations.. Can i b princess for once in a while?


WHAT IF
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIxFjvc7ApY )

What if?
What if im the one for you?
And you're the one for me?
What If...

If you are the one
then us meeting here is fate
Future with a dog named red
Buy a house with a fireplace
This is the first I've seen your face
but there a chance we are soul mates
I know that this might sounds crazy,
Cause you dont know my name

Chorus
But we can't,
we can't tell,
the future no
but that's just the beauty of the world we know
So imma say tutututudotudotudo
Baby, what if
We all could say tutututtudotudotudo
Baby what if

What if (x6)

Picture me on one knee
with the perfect diamond ring
we just met, but if you say yes
we'd have our wedding on the beach
it could happen, raise three kids
and we grow old so happily.
I know it may sound crazy
cause I don't know your name

Chorus
but we can't,
we can't tell,
the future no
but that's just, the beauty of the world we know
So imma say tututudotudotudo
Baby, what if
We could all say tutututudotudotudo
Baby what if

Bridge
Don't know what tomorrow brings
but I'm still hoping
that you are the one for me
Oh and what if I had you, and what if you had me and
baby whats the reason we can't fall in love?
What if..?
What if..?
What if..?

Chorus 2X
but we can't,
we can't tell,
the future no
but that's just, the beauty of the world we know
So imma say tututudotudotudo
Baby, what if
We all can say tututudotudotudo
Baby what if

I have so much to think right now.. got a big challenge starting next week which determines if im IN or im OUT.. im so demotivated after a stupid argument and indeed a stupid one.. i juz wanted someone to agree to me at times, is that so hard..


Tear up the photographs, but yesterday won't let go
Every day, every day, every minute
Here comes the emptiness, just can't be lonely you know
Every day, every day, hey, hey

This second chancin's really getting me down
You give and takin' everything I dreamed about
It's time you let me know, let me know, just let go

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene
Where every law reveals the truth
Baby 'cause I all ever wanted, all I ever wanted was you

I'd rather walk alone, don't wanna chase you around
Every day, every day, every minute
I fall a thousand times for I let you drag me down
Every day, every day, hey, hey

Your new beginning was a perfect ending
But I keep feeling we've already been here before
It's time you let me know, let me know, just let go

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene
Where every law reveals the truth
Baby 'cause I all ever wanted, all I ever wanted was

Tell me with so many out there why I always turn to you?
Your goodbyes tear me down every time
And it's so easy to see that the blame is on me

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene
Where every law reveals the truth
Baby 'cause I all ever wanted, all I ever wanted was you



sometimes i dun knw if its wise to listen to promises cause ppl tend to forget what thy promised after some time which lead to serious heartache and disappointment.. for me the only things that keep me happy was love and love is also the only thing dat kills my soul. What if? what if i never existed, would i be happier.. i need love.. i need him more than anything.. bt i aint getting what i need.. i wish there was sth i can do to change all this.. i wished that non of this ever happened.. i wish things were the same like how it started at 1st wer both were as happy as a pair of doves. now, i feel its impossible to change any of that.. if my other half were here, mayb none of this will happen.. what shud i do? i cant stand this anymore.. i hate being left alone at this kind of time.. i hate the feeling of crying each time sth goes wrong.. i wish there were someone to hug me now... someone dat i could cry on his shoulder... someone to listen to me.. bt things changed now.. i dun feel that anymore... all i felt nw was a cold shoulder and the feelings of ignorance..








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