nothing ever goes right.
i tried to stay positive...
i tried to avoid thinking nonsense..
but i don't know why i am not able to stand up.. not able to pull the strength out of myself..
everyday i need medicine to calm me down, to keep me laughing and happy..
i feel like a drug addict now.. i need all this pills to let me go to sleep.. i need all this thing to make me a human which at times i feel like im being controlled by them.

im happy on the outside but i am not on the inside..
i got no true friends that loves me,
i don't feel love anymore..
words from my parents crush my heart, they dont seem to bother or care about my situation anymore..
friends are never there when you need them or thy're just avoiding you...
work is alwiz something you think it might take your thoughts off all the unhappy things but this work is not.. its giving me more mental issues..
love life on the other hand.. i feel im destroying it bits by bits..
nothing seems to go right.. everything is goin the total opposite of wer its supposed to go..

my head is spinning so hard now that i feel vomitting..
running on slight Fever,
my eyes are so sore due to massive crying...
my heart feels so empty..
my head is filled up with thoughts of dying...
i am so depressed now..


i don't feel like how i used to feel the world anymore..
the world seems so meaningless to me now..
i feel so tired of crying almost everyday..

12hours at work,
3hours in a day having meals,
1.5hour a day taking bath,
1.5hour a day driving tru n fro from work,
1/2 hour applying medication on my F ugly face,
and the rest is taking my medicine to go to sleep...

i don't know what to do anymore.. i feel like ending all these sorrows in my heart once and for all.. if there is anyone out there that can save me, please tell me.. cause i don't want to wait anymore.. if not i just want to go in peace.

a few of my closest friends asked me,

'why are you so quiet and looked lost lately? you wernt like this laz time.. are you alrite?'

I wish tat i would be able to answer them this but however i was asking myself the same question too. each day literally i had those thoughts of ending everything in my life. I cried almost every single day without a reason. I would be happy now and very upset the next minute. You can see me talking to myself at times, you can even see that my eyes dun seem to have a life in it. Im practically a dead walking zombie that has just lost its soul. I looked up numerous psychiatrist that is available in penang, but each time im wondering.. if i go.. what should i say. im tired of alwiz having the thoughts of feeling insecure and wanting to die. im reali goin mad.. its juz a matter of time i reali did that. im tired n sick of al this.. bt im glad parents dun knw bout this. at least thy dun have to worry

i wish i was in Aus now. i really need him.. bt i knw its impossible.......