Its the 6th day of December, holiday season now. Everywhere i go thy joy of x'mas fills me up. The decorations, the songs and even the foods that could only be found during x'mas is out. X'mas this year has been abit slow for me. Or its has been like this for the past few years. How is everyone doin and wad is your new year's resolution for the year 2010. I sure had mine planned out nicely. Well, will share it here at the end of the post MAYB! hehehe.. So mayb you could share yours with me 1st. =)

My birthday is just ard the corner but i din quite feel the excitement altho im goin to b officially 21 this year. I felt that i had waste alot of my time this doin sth dat is absolutely goin no wer. Bt at least my mind is aware now and im goin the correct path now. Did sth stupid and silly today. Ok, well it was silly but at least i wud b stupid not doing it. Nicole was trying to slap me back to reality just now.. i was like laughing and laughing and laughing.. She did ask me wad's my plan for my birthday, seriously i gave her a dumb folded face and said i dun know. She is someone i wud say, understands me well and she knw wad's on my mind. Did told her if she duno wad i need, want and thinking im gonna downgrade her bff's position to normal friend position... we laughed.

Well, i gotta look things at the bright side too once in a while. Im trying to keep my mind in reality now cause i've been trying to make life as a fairy tale these few days.. sucks rite.. hahahah i knw.

i've been not feeling well these two days due to serious gastric problem.. Had late lunch yst and boy, the late was really pretty late. I am still feeling the dizziness and the pain in the abdomen.. Din tell my parents tho cuz the last time of the attack i was being hospitalized for a whole week. =.=!! I am taking med now, and im feeling much better compared to yst altho its still not fully recovered.

Nicole asked me to come along to kl a few days b4 my birthday. I still dun knw if i could make it? budget is a problem as well as birthday is ard the corner and i bet i will b spending some amount tho. Birthday this year will be as quiet as the past few years. i wonder if my wish wud came true this year.

Am i someone who is dat bad? yea, from the look of my record, i guess its quite bad. Bt, at least im no longer looking to b like who i am back in the past. I guess i need to thank Asaph for this. He thought me alot about life as well and he is the one who made me realize dat i need a purpose in life. Well i had everything in order now, almost perfect except one thing is missing.

well, like miley cyrus's the climb im feeling sth like this lyrics here

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
The pain I'm knowing
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,

This song could partly xplain my emotion at the moment but like was is written here, even how hard this battle im facing could be, i got to be strong and keep on goin.. never giving up. My life has alwiz been a mess as im never serious in anything im doing but at least i did wake up din i. There is still time to change everything. Everyone deserve a chance to change as well as being forgiven. So have you forgiven all those dat has done wrong to you or have you apologize to those that you hurt b4. If u still haven't better do it fast. I have been living my life in regrets too long ady, so im not goin to give myself a chance to do sth dat i will regret again.

People out there.. let me share sth with you, if u have a purpose or sth up in ur mind nw dat you are unsure of wad decision to make, its best to close your eyes and find the answer.. cuz when time flew by and u missed the opportunity, its never gonna turn back to u.. Me on the other hand, waiting for miracles to happen now. And im praying hard and hoping it'll happen. =) wish me luck and pray for me.

=( Nicole, i do need u now. Pinjam me shoulderrr...

i miss u...... i need a hug dat hopefully its from u.


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