the weather is cloudy now, it seems like raining bt it isn't.. Bt i knw, my heart is.. shattered, torn, broken.. you name it. If ure wondering, No this is not about my relationship.. my relationship is goin reali well, thx. Its abt myself.. I feel so weak lately.. if u were now standing infront of me scolding me.. i wud probably broke into tears.. Im so emo, so stressed out, not to mention my health is getting bad, so tired and eyes are getting sore of crying for help.
I dun have the time to find peace, dun have the time to njoy, dun have the time to relax myself even when im sleeping i felt the pressure.. when i was small, i wud close my eyes and fall back to see if i wud fall to the ground.. mum n dad was alwiz there to alwiz ensure i wud never fall, instead the onli place i wud fall wud b their arms.. when im a grown up, i dun dare to do that anymore, cause im scared if i do.. i wud fall to the ground straight. I am weak, really weak.. bt no matter how hard its gona b.. i have to stay strong.. i have always lied to those who cared about me, lie that im ok when i really am not.. i dun want them to worry, nor for them to pint point fingers on who made me this way. i am tired of always crying.. im tired of alwiz saying im ok.. im tired of alwiz being taken for granted by them.. im tired for being taken advantage of..
im sick and tired of all this.. mum is lecturing me day and night abt the same thing im going thru.. saying tat y u want to let this happen.. bla bla bla.. n i wud juz stood thr shouting at her.. DUN B A BUZYBODY!! i knw im wrong to do that.. i knw i hurt my mum when i said that.. i knw she's juz worried abt me.. worried that im not happy. i cried so many times in the room bcuz i was so frustrated.. i wish i had siblings, to b thr to hold on to me.. to have a shoulder to cry on.. im glad i had him to b thr for me whenever i needed him.. tho he's far away.. bt he's alwiz thr..
well, at least the only thing that cheered me up today was watching wedding clips from a website i found. at least when im crying.. i can still laugh at the same time.