every now and then i feel that im getting tensed up very easily.. i get pissed off easily too.. my emotion is so unstable lately.. im not juz merely PMSing. bt then i feel troubled most of the time.. i cant get a peaceful mind.. and i feel so annoyed bt that kinda feelings. i dont knw y do i alwiz have the feelings of being so useless and never been able to do anything dat i can feel proud of. is my life determined to b this way.. i dont and i wont spend the rest of my life being a fool and being someone who is alwiz a FAILURE to the both of you. i thought that encouragement is what you were supposed to show me not splashing me with cold water and treating me with those cold shoulder of urs. you know how much i hated when u turn ur back against mine when i need you. i myself already have those thoughts saying im a failure myself and i was hoping you wud at least say i am not.. bt instead you tell me i am and elaborating those things dat made me realise I AM INDEED A FAILURE.. i feel so deeply depressed and sad.. i am tired.. reali reali tired of practically everything you guys said.. you never gave me any good encouraging words.. you guys alwiz blame me fr almost anything dat happend.. you guys alwiz made me feel so bad so bad dat i wish i was dead. do i actually deserve all this.. am i reali dat bad. you know how much i envy other people who lives better den me.. dun stir up my anger.. you guys knw wad kind of things i hated the most and yet u guys still treat me this way.. have u ever realized that i dun wan any of this to happen.. do u think this is the life i actually wanted also.. i oso wished dat i was in the life tat i was enjoying b4 all these happend.. why dun u blame ur brother instead for causing all this sorrows to us.. i know that you guys are upset for being in this situation and i too am feeling reali bad for not being able to help out and yet i need help from u.. u think i dun feel anything.. i DO.. i DO.. bt i tried.. i tried so hard dat even my own health was at stake laz time.. did u knw abt all this.. NO!! dats cuz i dun wan to make u worry abt me.. bt then wad i got bek frm u was words full with torns.. hate and sadness.. i miss my old life as much as u two missed it.. bt this is the reality and this is the fact.. mayb i wud live better when the both of u start encouraging me more instead of alwiz giving me words of discouragement and putting all blames on me
cheer yo! remember, all of the hard part is a challenge of life. after every challenge, there will surely happiness. have to take and give one ma.there's impossible happiness for da whole life. challenge make us grow =D accept it. GOD wont be so cruel to "hao ren". i trust this ;D
dont emoemo d xoxo
Anonymous said...
V, parents sometimes have a hard time showing their love, i think their anger comes from their frustration with life. What they actually want is a better future for you, rather than the failure their lives have been. I know, it's hard to ignore family, but they will always have a say in what you do because you're related to them. But sometimes you need to accept the situation for how it is. You can always hope your parents will change, but unless they see their own issues, it will never happen. Understanding takes time. Remember you are greatly loved, you have many friends who care about you. Make time to do things you enjoy, no matter how large or small... whether it's reading, listening to music etc. The more you find happiness in the things you do, the easier life will be. Take it slowly, things will get better with time.