IM Daring & Unpredictable

Im moving

2010-09-17T07:23:00.000-07:00

Officially moved to princess-vee.blogspot.com

please save me

2010-05-23T06:29:00.000-07:00

nothing ever goes right.
i tried to stay positive...
i tried to avoid thinking nonsense..
but i don't know why i am not able to stand up.. not able to pull the strength out of myself..
everyday i need medicine to calm me down, to keep me laughing and happy..
i feel like a drug addict now.. i need all this pills to let me go to sleep.. i need all this thing to make me a human which at times i feel like im being controlled by them.

im happy on the outside but i am not on the inside..
i got no true friends that loves me,
i don't feel love anymore..
words from my parents crush my heart, they dont seem to bother or care about my situation anymore..
friends are never there when you need them or thy're just avoiding you...
work is alwiz something you think it might take your thoughts off all the unhappy things but this work is not.. its giving me more mental issues..
love life on the other hand.. i feel im destroying it bits by bits..
nothing seems to go right.. everything is goin the total opposite of wer its supposed to go..

my head is spinning so hard now that i feel vomitting..
running on slight Fever,
my eyes are so sore due to massive crying...
my heart feels so empty..
my head is filled up with thoughts of dying...
i am so depressed now..

i don't feel like how i used to feel the world anymore..
the world seems so meaningless to me now..
i feel so tired of crying almost everyday..

12hours at work,
3hours in a day having meals,
1.5hour a day taking bath,
1.5hour a day driving tru n fro from work,
1/2 hour applying medication on my F ugly face,
and the rest is taking my medicine to go to sleep...

i don't know what to do anymore.. i feel like ending all these sorrows in my heart once and for all.. if there is anyone out there that can save me, please tell me.. cause i don't want to wait anymore.. if not i just want to go in peace.

am i really down with depressions??

2010-05-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

a few of my closest friends asked me,

'why are you so quiet and looked lost lately? you wernt like this laz time.. are you alrite?'

I wish tat i would be able to answer them this but however i was asking myself the same question too. each day literally i had those thoughts of ending everything in my life. I cried almost every single day without a reason. I would be happy now and very upset the next minute. You can see me talking to myself at times, you can even see that my eyes dun seem to have a life in it. Im practically a dead walking zombie that has just lost its soul. I looked up numerous psychiatrist that is available in penang, but each time im wondering.. if i go.. what should i say. im tired of alwiz having the thoughts of feeling insecure and wanting to die. im reali goin mad.. its juz a matter of time i reali did that. im tired n sick of al this.. bt im glad parents dun knw bout this. at least thy dun have to worry

i wish i was in Aus now. i really need him.. bt i knw its impossible.......

28/4/10

2010-04-28T06:09:00.001-07:00

Today wasnt a really good day for me. I am really exhausted plus my mood is really really bad. Thursday was supposed to be a family dinner night as usual but then i made it into a disaster. the only day that mum n dad is able to have a proper meal as a family with me and i had to leave early as im rushing home to get my sleep. I fucking hate having to alwiz wake up so early to rush to penang just in time to avoid the 730 jam whereas my working times is at 9. But then i got no choice as most major multinational company is located in Penang. I wud just have to bear with that. Having to sleep ard 9 or 10 everyday is supposed to be sufficient for me but yet i am still very tired and exhausted. Almost each day i would doze off while driving, and almost a few times almost caught myself with accident because of that. I cried in the car just now while driving home feeling so guilty leaving my parents behind to finish their meal but i got no choice. Each day i will try my very best to get more sales but then things weren't so beautiful as it seems. I give myself the motivation i needed, i give myself the pressure that is required so that i would not fail to get myself placed as permanent.. i try not to let everyone around me b disappointed at me. I hate being so cranky and moody everyday. Even now i lost my appetite to eat. I hardly finish half the portion of my meal just now. i ate only a few bites and left the rest to my parents. Mum just said to me, if they wud have know i wud act like this, they rather went home straight. Almost each day i came back feeling so happy that i can finally rest my head on the pillow. But each day i feel so heart ache, i don't know y? I am sorry. I am trying the best i can to be someone better.. im really tired... i wish there was sth i can do...

miss nobody

2010-04-17T04:54:00.000-07:00

I always thought that i'm aware of what im doing. But it seems that i don't. Sadness is a part of me, being emotional is a part of me, anger fills me up, disappointment always lurks around me while happiness is always a distance away or probably beyond reachable. Each time im frustrated i will turn on the music so loud that i could hear nothing but the music, close my eyes and dance..

I tried my best to be someone that i can say perfect, instead i am turning more and more into someone that is the total opposite. I am always so conscious about my looks, my looks and the way i act and probably i am too conscious that i turned into a monster. Maybe i am still that selfish that's why i am left alone till now.. Someone once told me that if i don't change i WILL b left alone..

I feel that its coming into a reality now. I feel changes happening, bad changes to me but mayb good changes for others. I can't stop being a drama queen, i can't stop being a BITCH.. i don't even know what i want. I feel so lost. I feel no one is there to pull me.. i feel so left out. i am beginning to hate myself for all that happened. I hate being so emotional all the times. i hate being so sensitive to every words people are saying. i hate it even more when im being ignored after an argument. i hate being left alone during my most weakest time.. I told myself to be strong.. i cannot let others have the chance to defeat me.. bt each time i failed.. i alwiz show the white flag in most of situations.. Can i b princess for once in a while?

WHAT IF
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIxFjvc7ApY )

What if?
What if im the one for you?
And you're the one for me?
What If...

If you are the one
then us meeting here is fate
Future with a dog named red
Buy a house with a fireplace
This is the first I've seen your face
but there a chance we are soul mates
I know that this might sounds crazy,
Cause you dont know my name

Chorus
But we can't,
we can't tell,
the future no
but that's just the beauty of the world we know
So imma say tutututudotudotudo
Baby, what if
We all could say tutututtudotudotudo
Baby what if

What if (x6)

Picture me on one knee
with the perfect diamond ring
we just met, but if you say yes
we'd have our wedding on the beach
it could happen, raise three kids
and we grow old so happily.
I know it may sound crazy
cause I don't know your name

Chorus
but we can't,
we can't tell,
the future no
but that's just, the beauty of the world we know
So imma say tututudotudotudo
Baby, what if
We could all say tutututudotudotudo
Baby what if

Bridge
Don't know what tomorrow brings
but I'm still hoping
that you are the one for me
Oh and what if I had you, and what if you had me and
baby whats the reason we can't fall in love?
What if..?
What if..?
What if..?

Chorus 2X
but we can't,
we can't tell,
the future no
but that's just, the beauty of the world we know
So imma say tututudotudotudo
Baby, what if
We all can say tututudotudotudo
Baby what if

I have so much to think right now.. got a big challenge starting next week which determines if im IN or im OUT.. im so demotivated after a stupid argument and indeed a stupid one.. i juz wanted someone to agree to me at times, is that so hard..

All I ever Wanted
( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JNproXyuSw )

Tear up the photographs, but yesterday won't let go
Every day, every day, every minute
Here comes the emptiness, just can't be lonely you know
Every day, every day, hey, hey

This second chancin's really getting me down
You give and takin' everything I dreamed about
It's time you let me know, let me know, just let go

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene
Where every law reveals the truth
Baby 'cause I all ever wanted, all I ever wanted was you

I'd rather walk alone, don't wanna chase you around
Every day, every day, every minute
I fall a thousand times for I let you drag me down
Every day, every day, hey, hey

Your new beginning was a perfect ending
But I keep feeling we've already been here before
It's time you let me know, let me know, just let go

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene
Where every law reveals the truth
Baby 'cause I all ever wanted, all I ever wanted was

Tell me with so many out there why I always turn to you?
Your goodbyes tear me down every time
And it's so easy to see that the blame is on me

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene
Where every law reveals the truth
Baby 'cause I all ever wanted, all I ever wanted was you

sometimes i dun knw if its wise to listen to promises cause ppl tend to forget what thy promised after some time which lead to serious heartache and disappointment.. for me the only things that keep me happy was love and love is also the only thing dat kills my soul. What if? what if i never existed, would i be happier.. i need love.. i need him more than anything.. bt i aint getting what i need.. i wish there was sth i can do to change all this.. i wished that non of this ever happened.. i wish things were the same like how it started at 1st wer both were as happy as a pair of doves. now, i feel its impossible to change any of that.. if my other half were here, mayb none of this will happen.. what shud i do? i cant stand this anymore.. i hate being left alone at this kind of time.. i hate the feeling of crying each time sth goes wrong.. i wish there were someone to hug me now... someone dat i could cry on his shoulder... someone to listen to me.. bt things changed now.. i dun feel that anymore... all i felt nw was a cold shoulder and the feelings of ignorance..

April is coming to an end

2010-04-16T06:40:00.000-07:00

I have finished training and will officially b on the floor picking up calls starting Monday onwards.. gosh!! kinda nervous bt then im looking forward to it.. Well, sooner or later its gona happen oso rite... so might as well face it earlier n get used to it.. Im gona make sure i hit all my targets so that i can b converted into perm since now im onli under contract.. kesian =(

well, it has been quite a tiring week for me.. lately i realized i went to bed straight after work.. i dun feel like goin out, not even on weekends.. i have been exhausted, stressed up and definitely putting on weight since i joined Dell.. hahahha... good foods from the bosses and vendors.. if i dun watch out for my weight i guess by the time my bf come back, he wont b able to recognize me anymore.. T.T

good news, my face is recovering frm the massive breakouts.. im on medication for the past one week and the result is clearly seen.. let me see.. i guess apart frm the skin medication, the sinus medication is oso almost finishing soon d.. after another month den im medicine-FREE... no more annoying pills for me dy..

i reali dun understand how come lately i am so so so afraid of cold.. the other day during training i nit to put on two jackets n shiver while the others are feeling kinda humid n hot cause the temperature is ady 25.. =.=!! thy were like ' ey u got problem kah.. we so hot u so cold =.=!!'

im sooooooooo tired... i guess tmrw i will continue blogging more.. nite nite

4/04/2010

2010-04-04T05:55:00.000-07:00

i have just started working in a totally different and new environment. the first two days wasnt that bad for me, or so it was. i am starting to enjoy the training that is gona last for the first 2 weeks and after dat is goin live for me. im getting kinda nervous if i cud catch up, worrying if i will b kicked out. so many things... ppl is having their mid 40's crisis n im having my early 20's crisis. wad a boomer huh~ bt to b frank, im scared to be alone.. im 22 this year.. changing so many jobs within my 4 years of working life, hoping here n thr frm kl to penang to kl and now back to penang. im getting sick and tired of the life im goin thru now. it seems i didn't really had time to breath other den caught up in work. i wish i was bek in college.. at least apart frm those assignments and exams, i dun have to get worried abt age, loosing jobs or even commitments.. my brain is totally crashed right now, juz like how a hard disk got crash.. i cant think of anything and all i can do right now is emo n emo n more emo... ppl are getting fed up with the attitude im having right now. parents are getting frustrated of looking at my sour pissed face and im getting tired of life.. i see friends who is still having honeymoon in schools and at least after thy graduate thy will onli b starting their working life probably ard 23/24 and yet i have started mine since im 18.. i feel more like a 25 right now rather den who i am supposed to feel.. that reali explains the mixed up feelings im having rite now..

lately i love to argue alot with my bf, i love to complain alot like an old woman, i love to brag abt stuffs, i love to do almost everything a mid 20's wud do.. i feel so old, felt so tied up in life.. i feel like crashing anytime bt i got no one thr for me.. if i wud have crashed, thr's no way i wud b able to stand up again.. if my parents are well to do enuff, i wudnt hav a problem.. bt thy arent.. i had to b strong, or forced to be strong.. i wan to b a kid again.. i wan to stay out of pressure.. i cant stand the pressure im goin thru now.. i am suffocating, i cant breath, im not happy.... i hate being emotional almost everyday or crying almost every nights or even wishing it was weekend again every weekdays. i hate crying everytime i blog.. i wish that there was sth happi dat i cud blog about.. i guess apart frm being in a rlship.. thrs nth happy to blog abt.. my life is juz so fucking sad. tho i hope so much to have sth happy to blog abt.. bt guess thr isn't..

i feel so much under pressure dat my head is goin to explode anytime soon. i hate it.. i totally hate it.. i hate giving ppl the impression that i am an attention seeker by posting all these fucking blogs abt how emo i am bt then i am not ok.. blog is sth close to me, sth dat i cud release my anger, frustration and emotion to.. this is my journal, this is me. if u hate looking at this kinda blogs, mayb u shud juz go sumwer else.. probably to some Bimbo's blog.. well i am definitely not a pretender or an attention seeker.. im juz being myself and writing abt sth dat i feel.

at least after blogging.. life still continue.. tmrw is still a working day.. nth changes.. except reminding myself i have a future to feed..

1/4/10

2010-03-28T06:04:00.000-07:00

it often is a very normal things in a rlship wer two ppl argued about different opinion, argued about what colour the living room should b painted, what car shud thy buy if thy wana have children half of a football team or probably what shud thy name their kids. arguments at times are a method to learn abt each other's different thoughts and to understand each other for the better. Bt then if an arguments that often occurs is a rlship, its also not good. Arguments often leaves sadness, hurts, scars and feelings of disappointment if its not properly settled. Often in a arguments either party will b left crying or probably either one will juz break the word and break up. Relationship are something more alike an embryo forming into a fetus and growing into a form of a baby. a rlship takes time to grow, love to nurture it, understanding to mold it, trust to giv it life and each other to make it work. But it also take seconds to destroy it. Its not easy to find someone who can truly understands you, to accept u fr who u are and to love u fr who u will be. It takes two hands to clap and two ppl to make it work. Same like how a baby is formed, by an ovum and a sperm, combined. Love can be a very beautiful thing human being can ever experience. The only thing is how you make the best out of it. Learn to appreciate those around you before you loose them and onli then you realise.. it might already b too late.

Love is the next best things anyone cud ever have. I didn't say everyone might enjoy the feelings of love cause there are many brokenhearted ppl out thr as well. Bt ask those ppl who are in love, what will thy say?

Seriously frm my point of view, love is the onli reason i still live. because with love thr comes HOPE, FAITH and BELIEVE. each day i live hoping dat i cud have another day with the person i love, each day i hold on to faith knowing dat we will never be apart believing dat we alwiz have each other. But at times, i struggle with myself cuz im loosing faith cuz im scared.

The thoughts of death is alwiz haunting my mind knowing dat sth is wrong and im avoiding it. I put on a smile, tuck myself to bed each day, praying to God, thinking abt the memories i had with tears flowing out.. i said goodnight =)

Its almost 1 now. I still cant sleep. Bt tmrw is the 1st day of work for me. i got to get some rest as well. Im so scared right now.. This is the 1st time i feel like im alone in this. I loose my faith. I wish that thr were sth dat i can do to fix all this. I want things to b perfect, flawless.. bt then i think i am pushing things too hard and it made me push other more important people away frm me. I feel im being really selfish dat im giving the person i love the most a burden. being emotional most of the time IS giving another person a burden. don't deny this fact bt then is the truth.

Well, life's dat hard, what choices cud i possibly hav? I'm starting to feel that i am someone who gives more pressure and trouble to others instead of helping to take them off. I seriously dun knw what good can i do? i juz knw each day this thoughts come across my mind.. is it because im lonely, or is it because i feel left out? the stress in my life is getting more n more heavier. i wish there was sth i could do. bt im too weak to even hold on to myself yet to do it alone......

random post

2010-03-19T07:52:00.000-07:00

Dont really know was it time or im growing older each day. Fact is, i really am. I just had a look at those pictures of me while im a kid. Each pictures that was taken, each moments that had passed.. i really couldn't imagine when im 12 i hoped so much to go to high school and wear those blue pinafore instead of those navy blue ones.. hahaha... then when im in secondary school, i wished so much that i was 18 so that parents wouldn't bother me that much hanging out with friends.. upon reaching 18.. i wished so much i was legally 21 cause there were so many cool and happening clubs which i cant enter due to the age ( which i still enter anyhow ) Hahahah!! bad girl.. and finally im officially 21.. which i don't feel any difference as i am a working adult now with responsibilities and commitment to which at times i missed those times when i could still skip school to go for movies or Karaoke with my buddies, those times when we used to gossip about almost everything.. those moments are priceless.. at times i do wana try putting on those pinafore and see how much weight i've gained.. hahahah.. thinking back on those rebellious moments last time reali made me smile.. those days when me and my buddies used to laugh so loud that even the floor below us heard our laughter's.. i still rmb those times when we reali hated someone, we wud use glue and pour it over the person's chair and let them sit on it.. HAHAH.... yes, that was me back then.. i wud alwiz go against the school rules.. dat's y im famous among the teachers..

when i was a teenager, i wud alwiz wana b that popular girl among friends, to be the one with the latest gadgets lar, the most active one in sports bt not academic-ly HAHAhhaha, to b the one famous among anyone ( negative ) hahaha... wadever u cud think of i have did all of them at school. bt my rebellious level is not that bad compared to co-ad schools.. we are all girls school so how bad cud we go.. we are still afraid of the teachers wad.. bt one thing to be proud of.. no matter how naughty i was i was alwiz the class teacher's pet.. hahaha..

well, dats 4 years back.. now all i want is a good future which im still working on it. im not young anymore, yea alot of ppl said ey 21 is still vy young bt i dun feel so.. i alwiz feel 21 is considered capable enuff to do alot of things ady since you're officially legal in age now.. wadever u do, u will b held responsible and ur parents no longer can take the blame for u anymore.. to me 21 is the right timing for you to determine what you want and who you wana be in life? some ppl might still b having the time of their life in school or even in the clubs and some might already be working their ass off for a better living and some might already b having err 2 or 3 kids by now.. hahah..i know alot of my friends is happily married already bt im no where ready for it.

Life is tough, no one said it would be easy, bt wad is Life when u don't go thru ups and downs.. if life is alwiz gona be 'that' easy, that is not life.. you learn from falling down, you learn from mistakes that you did, you learn from your past and you learn from being imperfect. In life there never is an easy way out to things.. there never is.. There is no shortcuts in life and there's definitely no shortcuts in getting to the things you wants. you alwiz get things using the hard way cause that way, only you will learn to appreciate things around you. Well, i am alwiz the same confused girl which never could make up her mind in doin the right decisions but im fighting for it. I read aot of books, i've seen alot of people, i've experienced alot of ups and downs in life for a 21 year old which i guess alot of people my age had never experienced this much.. i have been thru alot to be who i am standing right now.. tho at times i still behave like a kid, which i reali likes and it annoys ppl at times, bt then im just being myself.. well, when im around people or as i cud say, ppl which im not familiar with eg, colleagues or mayb new frens.. i am alwiz not reali myself.. well.. this is a way for me to protect myself frm getting harmed or hurt by others.

I have been so moody lately, feeling so stressed out.. i missed those times when im in kl where there were so many friends for me to hang out with.. those pool's sessions wer it makes me relax whenever im having a bad day at work or even when im stressed out. Here in penang, altho its a place where is belong, i just cudnt find anyone to talk to.. everyone seems so busy with their things. i feel so lonely here.. =( bt then at least im near to home..

i'll will alwiz remember one phrase, 'God has plans for all of us'.

Life seems so stressful horrrrrrr... i guess when i change job i wud b trice stressful compared to now. phewww~ life will alwiz b stressful to me no matter where i am cause that's life basically.. it onli depends what u make out of life itself.. its either u choose to b happy with life or to alwiz nag abt how life can b.. its ur choice anyway.. i on the other hand appreciate what life has for me. tho i might hate those times wer life feels so shitty bt then after nagging and complaining it to my partner, i wud feel better the next day after i wake up.. juz dat i pity my bf cause he has to be the one to calm me down everytime..

对不起了。幸苦你吧了。但，谢谢你当我在最弱时候自此我，安慰我，鼓励我，疼爱我。谢谢你没放弃过我在我最难过的时候。我从不觉得自己能够为你付出些什么，但是我会答应你，当你最需要人时候，我会是第一个在你身边静静地听你诉苦。宝贝，我们已经在一起两个月多了吧。也经过不少了吧。未来还很多风破哦，但放心，我们会手牵手一起度过。虽然你现在离我很远，但是每一天我都在COUNT down哦=）我华裔应该会比较好了吧，应为有拼硬帮我哦。宝贝，习惯吗没有我在你身边照顾你，我好想念你哦。不知你是否也在想念我现在。答应我，你会努力好好读书，不要放弃应为我每天都为你祈祷让上天保护你和让你得到好沉寂。现在我坐的一切不再是为了我自己，不再是为了其他人，而是为了你和我。我每天都向你诉苦，你一定觉得好累了吧。对不起啊。soliii soliiii...... 你知道吗之前我完全不会想过我会跟你在一起毕竟我喜欢的是同性的人，你是第一个让我改变，让我感受得到，‘我很想拥有这个男人’。你所做的东西，所讲过的笑话，所表过的感受我都还记得。我们第一次牵手，你给我的第一个文还很清楚的在脑海里。感觉就像你还没离开过这边。很想摸摸你手，很想睡在你怀抱，很想在听你无聊的笑话，我真的好想念你哦。还有225天就到11月了。时间过得特别慢当你不在我身边。奇怪，当你在时候偏偏时间就过得特别快。好不公平！！宝贝，我好多话想告诉你哦，好多位子很想带你去阿。等你回来时候我们一起去哦。记得在那边好好的照顾自己，冷时候记得该被被，肚子饿时候记得吃东西，记得喝多多水啊。还有，记得好好休息。被累坏知道吗？记得我较你读书的方式哦。迟了！还不去睡觉。。没有东西了拉。爱你深深哦。mwakxxxxx... 永远爱你的鼻鼻。

I hate ppl who takes me for granted

2010-03-18T19:53:00.000-07:00

i dun reali knw why, i have this (u can ask me to do anything )word written all over my forehead which i kinda hate. basically iim just a human being with a pair of hands and a pair of legs like any normal human being has. Bt some people reali love taking things too granted, Hey im no miss Octopus ok.. and if i do had hands and legs similar to an octopus i wud be in a freak show earning tons..

i duno y.. i reali dun understand y.. bt i reali hate ppl taking things too granted.. i wud prefer the word 'sharing' instead of... here said share and after dat everyone forgets. damn!

ok... feels good letting it out.. phewww~ anyways.. back to doin accounts.. pfft!!!

18/02/09

2010-03-18T07:36:00.000-07:00

its been more than 3 weeks now that he's been away from me. i miss him alot bt then his annoying-ness still lurks ard cause we are msn-ing and skyp-ing everyday.. Well~ cudn't reali say that he's really annoying cause dat is wad cheer s me up when im facing any problems or when im feeling reali stressed out about work. Well, at the current moment im just waiting and see if i could get the offer from Dell, cuz if its possible probably i'll b jumping over to Dell. I need a better future and career that i can actually earn money.

Im a reali avid reader of motivational books so there is this one particular book i read before which has a few questions that you need to write an answer. I came across one question that goes like this. 'Where do you want to be with your relationships in five years?' and guess wad answer i wrote then, (happily married with the person i'm with right now. Earning stable income with a house and car's for each. Traveling every half year to European countries..).... hahahAHAH..

ok, i am practically dreaming cause its almost bed time.. =)

ok i am reading book now lar.. ish.. and i just found out that im someone that can be described as High Conformity which is a person who likes to follow the crowd, they want to be liked and may tell you what they think you want to hear.. ( i guess ).. ok i have to read alot of things..

hihz.. i've been like so depressed and down lately.. i dun even know wad am i so stressed out about. I feel so restless, body feels so tired and i am alwiz like so moody.. i wish that there were days where i can juz lie on the bed and not move for whole day.. it feels so comfortable sleeping and listening to music and doin nth at all. lazy lazy lazy.. im so lazy bum.. no wonder all these excessive fats gather in my body.. Dar is beginning to complain liao abt me being fat.. =( so now is diet time for me.. heheh dar dar has been vy notty lately.. alwiz suan siao me.. hng.. PIAK*

till now i still cant stop loving tik tok frm 2pm bt then another song has been added into my list.. forever in my life by jojo.. really nice songs with really great lyrics. i wonder what is dar doing now.. probably he's watching the turtle clip i just posted up.. u knw lar.. guys just bein guys.. tsk* tsk*

darrr... i miss u alot u knw. Bt i din sneeze alot d eh lately.. u boh miss me liao arrr?? well, you're pretty bz with school and im bz with work oso d. You knw, each time whenever i go, i'll make sure either lappie is with me or my mobile is.. cuz i wana b reachable when u need me.. =) im now listening to jojo and i recalled times when im with u, those time when we're laughing away like nobody's business. HAHA... those moments are priceless.. priceless!! haah..

Well, lately i've been having problems sleeping, relaxing and even letting myself go. each time when i were to rest my head on the pillows, the thoughts abt having to wake up tomorrow and dragging myself to work is so so so so awful. I hardly go out for lunch.. hardly have lunch to b exact cuz im so lazy to go out and eat and come back without parking, bt most importantly, i can't find anyone to have lunch with. Gosh! feels so lonely... missed old times when im in SCB. I dun reali knw how come my whole shoulder was so stiff.. the other day when i went for checkup.. even the doc need to calm me down and ask me to relax cuz im like so anxious and whole body feels so stiff.. at times when im sleeping, i cud wake up all of a sddn in the middle of the night finding myself in tears and i dun even knw why that happened.. i guess it might b a reali bad dream.. i have been in this situation for more den 5 times this past two weeks. can all this juz stop now.. i wish dar was here to hug me to sleep like alwiz.. i miss darrr... mayb i am reali lovesick..

12/03/10

2010-03-11T22:53:00.001-08:00

the weather is cloudy now, it seems like raining bt it isn't.. Bt i knw, my heart is.. shattered, torn, broken.. you name it. If ure wondering, No this is not about my relationship.. my relationship is goin reali well, thx. Its abt myself.. I feel so weak lately.. if u were now standing infront of me scolding me.. i wud probably broke into tears.. Im so emo, so stressed out, not to mention my health is getting bad, so tired and eyes are getting sore of crying for help.
I dun have the time to find peace, dun have the time to njoy, dun have the time to relax myself even when im sleeping i felt the pressure.. when i was small, i wud close my eyes and fall back to see if i wud fall to the ground.. mum n dad was alwiz there to alwiz ensure i wud never fall, instead the onli place i wud fall wud b their arms.. when im a grown up, i dun dare to do that anymore, cause im scared if i do.. i wud fall to the ground straight. I am weak, really weak.. bt no matter how hard its gona b.. i have to stay strong.. i have always lied to those who cared about me, lie that im ok when i really am not.. i dun want them to worry, nor for them to pint point fingers on who made me this way. i am tired of always crying.. im tired of alwiz saying im ok.. im tired of alwiz being taken for granted by them.. im tired for being taken advantage of..
im sick and tired of all this.. mum is lecturing me day and night abt the same thing im going thru.. saying tat y u want to let this happen.. bla bla bla.. n i wud juz stood thr shouting at her.. DUN B A BUZYBODY!! i knw im wrong to do that.. i knw i hurt my mum when i said that.. i knw she's juz worried abt me.. worried that im not happy. i cried so many times in the room bcuz i was so frustrated.. i wish i had siblings, to b thr to hold on to me.. to have a shoulder to cry on.. im glad i had him to b thr for me whenever i needed him.. tho he's far away.. bt he's alwiz thr..
well, at least the only thing that cheered me up today was watching wedding clips from a website i found. at least when im crying.. i can still laugh at the same time.

stress

2010-03-05T06:36:00.000-08:00

Today was a really stressful day and the only time i felt free was the time when i cn finally go home.. The moment i got into the car, all i think of is faster getting my ass home to skype with him.. Today there were so many work piling up my table n people can even hardly see me frm the door.. Imagine how much of work to b done..

Boss gave me a suggestion ( more of a, temporary person to help out ) to do sales.. bt yet the offer for the salary and commision is yet to b finalized.. i m stuck in btween now.. i cant decide on wad to do as i have targets which is kinda impossible to hit every month.. i nit to lead a team.. and tat means die oso faster.. Bt then i think eventho its impossible bt at least each month im earning a lil bit more than the fixed pay im having now.. Since i have a motive, sacrificing abit wudn't hurt..

Each night i wud b awaken by nightmares.. i cudnt reali have good sleep lately.. been under so much of pressure.. Blood pressure even went up the other day when i went for checkup... sigh~

I miss him so much now.. Its been a week now without him here.. Bt life has to go on right.. At least im now not alone anymore.. i have him to fight with me. Life tho is gona b tough for me in days to come, i will still b able to smile after work... cause i know i have him there to cheer me up when i open up my lappie.. i know dat even everyone in this world abandoned me.. he will oso b thr for me.. So wadever im goin thru i knw, he feels it too.. I cant thank him enuff for evythng dat he has done for me.. Bt then, he knows as well im doin this for us.. i love u kent win

24/02/2010

2010-02-23T20:56:00.000-08:00

Im back in Penang after a whole week break and vacation with him. Finally i can get my hands on blogging. How was Cny my fellow readers. I certainly had the best one this year. I went to KL with him and his mum n sis. We went on 19th and came bek on the 23rd. Tho we had so little time for shopping but being with him and being able to spend tat little time with him is worth anything and everything i sacrificed for. It was worthwhile loosing a few days of salary rather den not being able to b with him before he leave.. Oh yes, he's goin bek to aussie tmrw. saddddddddzzzzzz.....Yes, im reali sad and din feel like letting go, did wished time wud stop or even turn bek but then i knw he'll b back for me and i will b here waiting.. Well, its onli gonna b abt 9mths more bfre i can see him again wad.. Time wud definately pass so so so so slow without him being here with me.

Now since its lunch time i took this time to blog abit here n thr. Dear if you happen to look at this post here's a few things dat i wud like u to knw..

to b exact we are tgther for 1mth and 24 days now. Days with you are the most happiest time i ever encountered in my 21years of my life. Being so used to ur presence around me for exactly 55days and on the 56th day having to bid u farewell definately is the worst day of my life.. I did expected a day like today ever since i fell for u and i ain't afraid cause i knw u will b back for me. Tho u're still dat lil boy in my heart dat i kenot avoid not being worried abt. Rmb when u're bek thr drink alot alot alot of water since the weather is gona b freaking hot as it's summer.. if u ever fell sick pls go and get some medicine.. Now, i wont b thr to Nag u anymore when u din take those medicine so pls pls pls rmb to take those medicine when ure sick. If u need advice on medicine u can alwiz ask me and i can giv u the name of the medicine suitable for u k? Alwiz bcareful no matter where u go and rmb to finish reading and implement the contents from the book. i'll send u another edition if i happend to spot one.. =) i dun reali know how are u feeling now, are u the same like me or worse.. i juz knw that as the days of u leaving is closer, the more i want to spend those precious with you. Tonight will b the final night that we will b seeing each other physically till 9mth's later. Im starting to miss u so much now eventho u r still here. U made a huge impact in my life the day u walked into my life and its a good thing and a good start to everything for me. Thank you so much for these memorable days u gave me and i know there is more to come.. Take care, study well and definately all the best in aussie..i love u dar, gonna miss u alot bt then i'll b visiting u soon.. =) loveee uuu bubu

from

Bi

14/02/10

2010-02-13T18:29:00.000-08:00

Good morning fellow readers.. its the 1st day of Chinese New Year and Love is in the air this CNY as Valentines day fell on the same day. So im here to wish everyone a prosperous CNY to all my readers and may the year of the Tiger brings you and your family loads of good luck, wealth, great health and good omen. As for those couples who will also be celebrating Valentines day, Happie Valentines day to all of you ooo.. Specially i wud like to wish Happie Valentines day to my special someone, my boo my dar.. lub lub.. thank you so much for those flowers and the card u surprised me with which turns out to b a failed suprise. sori i was reali blurr dat time i din knw the card was thr.. =.=!! but this valentines day turns out to be the best one in my life, tho simple but then it comes from your heart which meant alot to me. And im happy to have you thr with me for Valentines day. Another 1week more and i'll b bidding u bye bye.. i have so much mixed up feelings now, sad and happy as well.. I do hope that you will b able to take gud care of urself thr. Bi wont b thr to take care of u like i do over here anymore.. whenever u're sick dun forget to get medi frm pharmacy ok.. u r like a lil kid.. alwiz nit me to worry ard about u.. i think my role is more like a mummy den ur biie.. =.=~ Anyways i'll b strong here and focus on the necessary things i nit to b doin here and so will u when ure thr k.. i wan c gud gud results oooo...

Ok, ennuff crapping d.. i wan go pom pom in a while and ftch mummy to work d.. So to all my fellow readers Have A Blessed Chinese New Year and drink loads of water since u all will b digging in those chinese new year biscuits... Love u all.. Mwakxxxx

10/02/10

2010-02-10T06:00:00.001-08:00

i hate it everytime i see you, you wud make me cry and the best thing is you never failed to remind me how much of a failure i was. i asked you to shut up but u wudnt listen.. not until you see me in tears you wouldn't stop.. what have i done to deserve all these.. each day i wud cry myself to sleep. EVERY FREAKING F*****G DAY!!! your mouth works like a tape recorder, you would playback the same words to me everyday till i can even speak out each words you were trying to say. you know how hurtfull those words are to me.. you are not making me stronger instead you are killing me slowly.. PAINFUL~ it really hurts.. i couldnt stop crying even when im writing this. you hurt me so badly that you know i wanted to juz end my life right this moment.. i used to b bubbly, strong and happy.. now i can laugh with others bt cry when im alone. its not easy to put on a mask infront of everyone else, do u know that?... did you even try to understand wad im going thru. you never gave me a chance to explain.. all you ever wanted to say was how bad i am..
i cudnt find anyone else to lean on, i have to alwiz depend and support myself.. you at least still have someone to b with, someone to protect you, someone to back you up.. wad abt me, all i have is you guys and yet u treat me this way..
i never really felt how a real family feels like.. people has a living room where everyone wud snuggle tgther watching movie or probably dinner over at the dining table.. wad abt us, you guys wud eat by urself in the room and i wud eat myself in my room.. once in a while we wud go out and eat tgther.. and when i needed to do some shoppings and sometime i wanted sth you guys wud buy them for me.. bt wad abt the real thing dat i needed, hugs, snuggles, heart to heart talk.. where are all these?? you know how lonely i was while im growing up.. have you ever even asked me 'how was work today' instead of 'work till so late got higher pay meh, bla bla bla bla bla.. useless lar you.. bla bla bla..'

tho you said it when you were frustrated and angry, there are some stuffs which u cud not pull back after u said them. life is not like a time machine wer u can fast fwd and turn back time. YES~ i hate u talking so loudly in public, ITS EMBARRASING, i hate when u cud show ur temper in front of everyone else when u r in a hich class place, THIS MAKES ME LOOKS SO LC, when i softly told you to lower down ur voice n thing like dat u wud say u pek chek lar this n dat n bla bla bla bla again.. WTH!

sometimes i envy those friends around me where thy are so loving. even if tat's juz the surface i still envy them cause they got sth that i dun.. LOve n Understanding..

6/02/10

2010-01-30T20:56:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUBU

I know tomorrow i wont b able to blog. so I wan to dedicate this post specially for u since i doubt u'll b able to read it today or tomorrow anyway. HAHA! So this will b ur 1st bday im gonna celebrate with you.. and i hope u like wad i planned for u and the prezzie i gave you.. frankly this is the 1st bday party and 'present' dat i ever gave a guy.. hehe.. u're the 1st.. Hope this makes u feel special.. I did planned sth for ur bday at 1st bt too bad u knew it ady so it doesnt reali seems like so special to me anymore.. tho this party i planned out for u is very simple and i dun reali knw if u'll like it bt then i hope u did enjoy..

too bad that after this thr will b another 2 weeks bfre u'll b leaving bek Perth.. im gonna b like missing u madly.. bt then i knw life's gotta go on and as i promised, i'll work vy hard to b thr when u grad.. and oso to go on vacation with u without worries.. =)

u knw sth.. life fr me changed since the day u stepped into it.. i knw thrs alot of dissatisfaction in me that still needs improvements bt then the next time u see me, i'll make sure u'll b satisfied with the change aite? bt then no matter what and no matter how far the distance btween us can be.. i will alwiz b here waiting..

i dun reali have alot to write here den to hope that this is a memorable bday for u. hope u like the preparations we all did for u and the gifts i bought for u.. i love u my dear. may u b blessed in everyway u wanted to b. muackxxx... finally. happy birthday my dear. i love u

31/1/10

2010-01-30T08:44:00.000-08:00

every now and then i feel that im getting tensed up very easily.. i get pissed off easily too.. my emotion is so unstable lately.. im not juz merely PMSing. bt then i feel troubled most of the time.. i cant get a peaceful mind.. and i feel so annoyed bt that kinda feelings. i dont knw y do i alwiz have the feelings of being so useless and never been able to do anything dat i can feel proud of. is my life determined to b this way.. i dont and i wont spend the rest of my life being a fool and being someone who is alwiz a FAILURE to the both of you. i thought that encouragement is what you were supposed to show me not splashing me with cold water and treating me with those cold shoulder of urs. you know how much i hated when u turn ur back against mine when i need you. i myself already have those thoughts saying im a failure myself and i was hoping you wud at least say i am not.. bt instead you tell me i am and elaborating those things dat made me realise I AM INDEED A FAILURE.. i feel so deeply depressed and sad.. i am tired.. reali reali tired of practically everything you guys said.. you never gave me any good encouraging words.. you guys alwiz blame me fr almost anything dat happend.. you guys alwiz made me feel so bad so bad dat i wish i was dead. do i actually deserve all this.. am i reali dat bad. you know how much i envy other people who lives better den me.. dun stir up my anger.. you guys knw wad kind of things i hated the most and yet u guys still treat me this way.. have u ever realized that i dun wan any of this to happen.. do u think this is the life i actually wanted also.. i oso wished dat i was in the life tat i was enjoying b4 all these happend.. why dun u blame ur brother instead for causing all this sorrows to us.. i know that you guys are upset for being in this situation and i too am feeling reali bad for not being able to help out and yet i need help from u.. u think i dun feel anything.. i DO.. i DO.. bt i tried.. i tried so hard dat even my own health was at stake laz time.. did u knw abt all this.. NO!! dats cuz i dun wan to make u worry abt me.. bt then wad i got bek frm u was words full with torns.. hate and sadness.. i miss my old life as much as u two missed it.. bt this is the reality and this is the fact.. mayb i wud live better when the both of u start encouraging me more instead of alwiz giving me words of discouragement and putting all blames on me

23/01/10

2010-01-22T17:06:00.000-08:00

Hello and good morning fellow readers... How are all my beloved readers out there. today is a bright and sunny day. How are everyone's mood? How is your day to start off??
i've been wondering and thinking myself.. Lately apart from seeing other news all i can see and hear about is deaths. the 1st one tat caught my attention was the waterfall case in Kampar.. and to think its already over, another earthquake in Haiti.. and now the drown case in Penang.. But one thing that they all have in common are water and Deaths.. i realized that life on earth are getting shorter and shorter and the average age for those who passed away are getting younger and younger.. this actually made me realized that life itself is getting more and more precious.. mayb 2010 might be real in some ways.. it might not actually be the 2010 incident we saw on the theater but instead, a disaster we create ourself that causes massive destruction.. I learn in some ways that life to me is fragile, too fragile that we need to handle it very carefully. life is too precious to me.
I learn things the hard way before, experience thought me alot of things that some ppl may never have the chance to go thru wad i have been thru b4. but then looking and flipping thru the pages in the paper and also listening to words from tons of peoples.. the only thing i learn from all that is never let yourself in any ways have the chance to regret let it be now or in the future. appreciate what you have now then to break down and cry in despair when u loose it.. your family that has been with you throughout you entire life, your friends that alwiz lend you their shoulder to cry on, your teachers that thought you countless knowledge, and your partner that has alwiz been there for you in watever situation you have gone thru.. a lil THANK YOU today might b better than you not being able to have a chance to say thank you at all.
Days and countless milliseconds that passed by, you are getting further and further away from me. Exactly another on month more and you will no longer be with me till end of the year.. im gonna miss u like hell everyday.. but then while you're away i'll work triple hard to be able to b there when u graduate.. i wonder how u're gonna feel when im not around u??
Im kinda dissapointed that i had made something for him but then it turned out to b a disaster because of a silly mistake i made and now i need to do it all over again and then im juz afraid i wont b able to hand it over to him on time... shit shit shit shit!!! another 2weeks more and its gonna b his birthday ady.. gosh!! can someone tell me what can i do? sob...sob..sob..

well, i am addicted to Korean songs now.. and at the moment a few songs are my fav, including 2A.M's new songs.. thy're great..
Mr.Chong is bz berDOTA-ing.. all i can hear is the click click click!!! sound beside me.. click...click ...click..

i know.. he looks like a zombie.. cause berDOTA-ing too much and he lacks from sleeps.. all i hear in the office most of the time is
click.
click.
click.
click.
click.
click....

and my face will b like diz..
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ok lar, better get my ass back to work.. abo later kena deduct salary i tiok DIAO' lor... bubyezzz... mwakxxx mwakxxxx

22/01/2010

2010-01-22T03:17:00.000-08:00

feels like its been quite a few days i havent blog about anything..

well not really alot to blog about also... been really bz with work... bz with gaining knowledge..

was kinda moody today due to some issues bt hopefully its gonna b over after diz..

i love everything i have now.. life is juz perfect the way it ady is..

.perfect love.perfect future.perfect upcoming success.perfect family.

.PERFECT YOU.

14/01/10

2010-01-14T07:20:00.001-08:00

have not been blogging for the past few days now.. well been kinda bz lately with work.. i was kinda occupied most of the time either with works or sleeping.. and not forgetting of cuz my baby.. hahah. we juz had dinner with my parents juz now after work and had a long chat, which onli now i found out dat our grandparents were friends.. =.=!!

i duno why, i cant reali sleep now, but i guess dat he's fast asleep or mayb he might b in his dreamland by now. well, good for him then.. all i want is for him to have a peaceful sleep as he's not reali feeling well oso these few days.. bt now he's feeling better d.. i am so happy that i get to stay with him as often as i cud, cuz he'll b goin bek to studies after CNY and i wil onli get to meet him probably this year end.. as much as im gona miss him.. but i still have to go on and work work work my ass off... so if im lucky i might earn enuff to pay him a visit or probably attend his convocation as well.. =) at the moment im so addicted to tik tok by 2pm.. mayb cuz its the lyrics and the rythm of the songs dat got me so crazy over this song.. another song im oso crazy abt is over u by weesung.. this two are great song.. but now i'll paste the translated version of tik tok.

<3 <3

Nobody knows
How I want you like this everyday
Every time I embrace you behind the stage
My heart bursts

We greet each other awkwardly in front of people
But when we turn away, I'm the one who knows you best

I can hear more loudly in my ear
what you say with your gaze, that's right
Your desire for me, your thirst
We go crazy for each other like this

*That I love you secretly
That you're really my girl
Drive me so crazy every day
I just want you, you this way

Come here tik tok tik tok tik tok
When I see you tik tok tik tok tik tok
All day tik tok tik tok tik tok
My heart tik tok tik tok tik tok*

Nobody knows
That you and I love like this every day
There's no room in my heart for anyone to come in besides you

Tik, I knew from the beginning
Tik, there was something about you
Tik, in that gaze you stared at me with

Tok, For your exhilarating love
Tok, I'm always thirsty
Tok, I keep searching for you secretly

*Repeat

You're my only star
No one knows about anything, don't worry
Look at my eyes, I'll protect you
I'm by your side, just like this

It's our secret, it's our secret, its our secret
It's taking control of me

Escape everyone's eyes, spill the burden of our relationship onto me
In my dreams, I hold onto your hand proudly like everyone else and walk
In my busy day, my work, dreams and everything else are forgotten
By our love going tik tok like the hand on a clock that doesn't know how to stop

*Repeat

Tik tok tik tok tik tok (x4)

well... all i can say is this songs sang out everything my heart wants to say..altho i juz saw him juz now.. i miss him badly now.. i duno why.. and i hear fireworks outside.. freaking loud.. i guess its frm the temple opposite my house.. how i wish we were at a ground rite now while i sleep on his chest watching the starry starry sky filled with millions and millions of stars. well.. i guess i got to hit the bed now.. tmrw is gonna b another day for me.. nitez peepz... nitez dar

7/1/10

2010-01-07T04:52:00.000-08:00

I've been wondering and asking and doubting and pressuring myself alot lately.. i was never satisfied with my life and i know i never will. i have alot to tell, but i dun even know where to start off with.. blog has been like a personal diary to me to express everything, tho its publicly seen by almost duno how many ppl. I alwiz encourage and motivate other ppl, but it seems dat when it comes to myself, i dun know how to motivate myself. I dun want to make people beside me worry about me but then every actions dat i show, makes them reali uncomfortable.. I tried my very best to be someone.. I chase after my dream life, alwiz have.. bt then the more i chase, i feel its getting further.. am i doin it the right way? dis has been going thru my mind for quite sometime ady. Well, at times when i sit down, all i do was giving ppl the blank stare look which alot of ppl wud think im in a bad mood, but then im not. life ain't as easy as some people might think it wud b. probably i set my expectation too high so im actually over stressing myself out.. i alwiz wanted to be the best, alwiz want to be someone who is different from other people, alwiz wanted to b the 1st in everything, alwiz wanted to have the kind of life everyone wanted so much bt cudnt have... i wanted to be someone special.. I hav a great bf, a great love life.. i still dun knw wad more i need.. Probably i still feel insecure.. Well, i know wad is important and the not-so-important thing to me.. i actually fear that i am now living in a dream tat i wud soon wake up back to reality.. each day i wake up with juz one reason, because i have my partner. I am not trying to act as if i rely on him but reality is he's the only reason i am motivated enuff to b someone better.. being with him, i learn alot of things.. he dun have to teach me but his actions tells me alot of things.. he's a great guy.. a reali great guy dat im lucky enuff to b with.. thr might b alot of girls dat is not as lucky as me to have him, bt then i am the one lucky person. As much as i appreciate our rlship and him, i still feel if i dun turn out to b someone better, i'll still loose him one day.. a wise person once told me, i u want to change someone, you must 1st change yourself.. earth is oso not created in a day..

as im writing this my head and eyes are getting heavy, im physically tired but then my heart is still beating... my heart is still beating hoping tat hope is still thr.. today will b the last day i will b blogging as the vivien people once knew and remembered.. the next time you see me blogging.. i will b someone different.. someone more confident in herself.. someone dat will never have to envy others cause i have it all.. today will also be the last time im shedding tears because i regret being this way cause i know in time to come i will b someone dat even i myself will look up to.. i will b forcing myself to do so.. no matter wad, i am not gonna lose to some stupid reality saying dat 'HOI!! wake up liao..' and for sure im not goin to lose sth i reali love over sth dat i know i cud change the fact.. i know i can.. i know i can..

i am listening to a particular song for almost duno how many hours ady since mrning jz now.. im addicted to it and its reali nice.. these are the lyrics dat has been translated.. and the meaning are diz..

01. Over You
translation by: frostedsnow (also credit: aheeyah.com)

From now, things gonna be changed
Your beautiful smile, your sexy body so smooth and killing me
But things gonna be different, I promise
Cause I'm so over you

3, 2, 1, oh

Swallowing a sigh, I remind myself that you are just a stranger now
I turn on the lights in my room, because in the darkness, all I can see is you
Pulling out the heart chained in the past with you, I try to rescue it
In tears that formed with the early morning dewdrops,
I throw up the poisonous attachment to you that lingered inside of me

*The break of dawn is coming
I have the desire to love again, I want to dream again
Even if I get hurt in the process a thousand times, I have the will to heal again
I’m so over you

**I want to live a solid and steady life
I’ll find my composure once again
When the tears stop, our separation will just be another memory
I’m so over you

The flowers have blossomed beautifully – a beauty I overlooked in my obsession for you
I enjoyed the books I read – words that held no meaning or comfort in the past
All the lovely things around me were hidden behind the world you embodied
Only now do I discover this, after fighting across my river of tears

*The break of dawn is coming
I have the desire to love again, I want to dream again
Even if I get hurt in the process a thousand times, I have the will to heal again
I’m so over you

**I want to live a solid and steady life
I’ll find my composure once again
When the tears stop, our separation will just be another memory
I’m so over you

In the days to come, when I look back on this moment,
The last time I’ll promise ‘forever’
Will give me strength to protect another once again

*The break of dawn is coming
I have the desire to love again, I want to dream again
Even if I get hurt in the process a thousand times, I have the will to heal again
I’m so over you

**I want to live a solid and steady life, I’m going to love you
I’ll find my composure once again; I’m going to find you
When the tears stop, our separation will just be another memory
I’m so over you

I'm so over you, I'm so over you
I'm so over you, I'm so over you

I'm so over you, over you, over you, over you
I'm so over you

my egg sandwich gone... tmrw nit to make another new one.. cuz the one dat i made today wont last till tmrw.. sigh~ luckily parents bought a new one.. if not i'll reali scream cuz all my foods will b spoilt.. darn~

5/1/10

2010-01-05T04:52:00.000-08:00

Im bek after a few days missing from blogging.. reason being cuz im buzy coping with my tight schedule.. Plus i am sick at the moment, due to.. well who knw's wad.. it might b stress, or mayb lack of rest or mayb due to the rain i caught the other day.. Lame rite..
I am so dead and freaking tired.. But i reali am very happy these few days.. after a battle of decisions and alot of obstacles.. we are finally together. Good thing is, our anniversary date is the easiest to rmb, 1st.. hahaha.. Well the other day i thought that my NY wish wudn't came true bt then he made it possible for me. Things has been goin smoothly these few days.. He's so sweet to me, altho he teases me as usual.. His mouth are like laser.. tsk tsk* bully me bully me.. hahah.. bt then everytime when he teases me, i never got pissed off instead i laughed and laughed and laughed.. and we both are like cat's and dog's in the office.. and his sis wud b laughing and laughing and laughing juz looking at us both..

A few days before we went for a movie tgther with liang, lynn, min, hsien, houngzai as well as yee chen.. we went to watch the vampire's assistant.. Its not reali a bad movie tho, quite entertaining but not reali those type of movie i would considered reali reali caught my mind. heheh.. bt goin tgther with a bunch of frens, den its a diff story.. I reali had great time and lotsa fun with all of them and especially when he's there.. Good time alwiz fly by fast, and probably in less than two month we will not b seeing each other till end of the year.. I'll then b bz with studies as well and i guess he will oso b the same.. Tho i know i'll reali miss him bt then i still support him no matter wer he might be.. You know, its not reali an easy thing living alone out there where your closest family might b who know's how many hundred thousand km away from u.. I had my own experience living alone outside and to experience wad real life is.. so i understand his feelings being out there.. Tho you might hav frens but then nth compares to those dat you grew up with.

Oh yea, btw.. dun ever go to equatorial hotel's buffet.. it sux to the max and its not worth even a single cents u giv out.. the foods are not hot enuff, the taste are OMG!! i dare not describe.. and so far my experience as food lover and critique.. this is the worst one i had. Even those buffet in a malay wedding taste better than the one i had.. only a few dishes dat are still eatable.. We went tgther with his sis and two frens of theirs, whom i dun know.. haah..

I appreciate those time, every single moments dat i am with him.. He might b at times abit playful but then he treat me reali nice.. i cud juz say that he suits every single points im looking for in a man. He is reali straightfwd.. and i mean really!! but then i rather dat he was dat way than someone who lies without even blinking their eyes.. He's a guy i can reali see a future with.. Who know's how long we might last, who know how long that we are gonna live, mayb we might even die tmrw.. bt then.. i appreciate each and every single second with him.. i will never let myself to have the chance to regret later on..

i know u might b reading this, so this is sth i want u to knw.. sometimes i might not turn out to be someone u alwiz dreamt to have, im not perfect and might never be.. i will still try to b someone prefect for u eventho u never ask for.. thank u so much for all those laughter's and joy dat u brought into my life.. thank you for those warm hugs and words dat u said.. thank you taking care of me and showering me with all the loves i can have.. thank you so much for being thr for me whenever i needed someone and lastly.. i know at times i might b a pain in the butt because of my attitude which is abit rough compared to other girls.. im sorry for that... you know, u touched my heart in many many ways dat you never realized and all those are things dat meant so much to me.. tho its has onli been a few days but then it felt like years to me already.. i want u to rmb this, 也许我什么都没有，但我会吧最好的都给你。i love you Kent Win.. ♥

Well my buddy is bek in Penang today.. can't wait to see her.. hahahha...

3/1/10

2010-01-02T21:09:00.000-08:00

Im stuck at home as usual and tmrw i'll b heading down to the island to work d.. packed packed packed schedule frm tmrw onwards.. say bye bye to freedom days.. bt then im reali looking foward to work cuz i feel i've been wasting too much time lazying at home. At least when i work, thr's income dat comes in rite.. tho its not alot but then i gained another new experience plus, i get to see him thr.

Im sitting in my dad's table blogging, and juz finished with L4D game juz now.. Omg!! my pimples is popping out one by one.. die die die.... so sad. will b heading down to penang later to meet Jacky and KW as well..

This image is being taken as a result of too much of 'sien-ness'.. Wahahahaha..... wish me luck tmrw in work, hope things goes well.. luv u all...

being someone Perfect for the one u love

2010-01-02T01:28:00.000-08:00

i had a display msg in msn previously with the saying 'i am not PERFECT, but i wont stop trying to be ONE'. if u have my msn you wud come across this message of mine. Yesh, i cudn't agree more dat its not easy being PERFECT, or mayb impossible, xcpt u are God. But then its not reali an impossible thing being a PERFECT one for the one you love. Alot of things actually require you to do it with a heart dat is willing, cuz if not.. you might not see any outcome. And thr's nth dat can work if u do things in a hurry. It might juz end in a disaster.

I am someone who can be described as abit kinda boyish attitude, im not a tomboy of cuz, but mayb as in rough in another words.. i love to do alot of stuffs dat mayb a girlie girl wudn't b interested in.. i like extreme sports which i guess not all girls like cuz most girls are either too girlie to b in sweats or mayb thy are plain too afraid of getting dark. =.=!! But yea, i freaking like sweating but then not getting dark of cuz as im quite dark myself now. My strength is kinda more den normal girls wud hav i guess, mayb this is the result cuz i have been in Taekwon-do previously.. Kinda miss it.. hahaha...

ok, so now back to my topic for the day.. being someone perfect for the one u love.
So, guys are people i wud say kinda particular in alot of things.. if u met one b4 u wud knw.. hah. But this is from my observation over the years to wad a guy nowadays wants their partner to be.

Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat and presentable girls.
Guys hate flirts.
A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.
When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.
"Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.
Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.
Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.
Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.
When guys want to meet your parents. Let them. .......dont think so
Guys want to tell you many things but they can't. And they have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking! but do not generalise
Guys cry!!!
Don't provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.
Guys can never dream and hope too much.
Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.
When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.
Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind!" would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.
Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands......yeh rite - watever.
Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
When a guy makes a prolonged "umm" or makes any excuses when you're asking him to do you a favor, he's actually saying that he doesn't like you and he can't lay down the card for you.
When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow". ......so true.
You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.
Guys hate gays!
Guys love their moms.
A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.
A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.
You can never understand him unless you listen to him.
If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.
Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.
Like Eve, girls are guys’ weaknesses.
Guys are very open about themselves.
It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long.
No guy is bad when he is courting
Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.
Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.
Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.......very true.
A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.
Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts. ........sumtimes.
Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get the wrong one.
Guys virtually brag about anything.
Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.
Guys think too much.
Guys' fantasies are unlimited.
Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight does!......very true.
Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!!
When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that girl..
It's not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they broke up especially when they've been together for 3 years or more.
You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy.
A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be matured and grow up.
When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.
Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power.
Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed P**** with their girlfriends.....sumtimes depends wen they want sumat.
When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he's sweating. You'll probably see that he is nervous.
When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.
When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me"......sumtimes.
Guys don't really have final decisions.
When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.
If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him....very important.
If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.
Guys believe that there's no such thing as love at first sight, but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is wrong.
Guys like femininity not feebleness.
Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.
A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.
A guy would waste his time over video games and football, the way a girl would do over her romance novels and make-ups.
Guys love girls who can cook or bake. ....they love u regardless.
Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!......true but only wen the guys are ready 2be settled down.
A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
A guy's friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage.
Don't be a snob. Guys may easily give up on the first sign of rejection.
Don't be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you'll be surprised.
Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting guys.
Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls
Guys don't comprehend the statement "Get lost" too well.
Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.
When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them offending and he just tried to be polite.
Guys don't care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.
Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know them, they'll realize they're wrong.
Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He's just too stubborn to deal with it.
Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.
Guys' weakest point is at the knee.
When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is already thinking of a way out.
When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing things.
When a guy looks at you, either he's amazed by you or he's criticizing you.
When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second chance, give it to him. But when you catch him again and he asks for another chance, ignore him.
If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.
If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at you and it obviously shows that he is jealous whenever you're with your boyfriend, all I can say is your boy best friend loves you more than your boyfriend does.
Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.
You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!
If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.
When a guy says he can't sleep if he doesn't hear your voice even just for one night, hang up. He also tells that to another girl. He only flatters you and sometimes makes fun of you.
You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.
Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.
Girls are allowed to touch boys' things. Not their hair!
If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.
Guys hate girls who overreact. ......sumtimes.
Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your relationships.

So these are all the points.. dont ya'll agree with it.. but this is not to all guys.. mayb to some guys this 99 Facts does apply. ok.. i can find this 99 whole long lists dat i guess some guys wants in a girl... but i can't find my 99 facts.. ok mayb there is bt then to me.. i juz have 10 simple ones.

I love my guy to give me respect, understanding, honesty and trust.
I love if my guy wud b able to take turns to do the house chores with me, IF we were staying tgther.
I love it when my guy adores and appreciate every single things i do for him.
I want my man to Love me sincerely and IF its possible, to b the one dat i'll spend the rest of my life with.
I adore guys who can cook.. triple marks for them.. hahaha
I love a guy who is gentlemen.. ( i found one )
I love a guy who is a great listener.. thy dun nit to b someone who is good in giving advice, bt will alwiz b a listener.
I Love a guy who Loves my parents.
I love a guy who can accept me for who i am, treasure me for what i am and love me for who i become.
I love it when my man wud b able to include me in his life planner.. in short, he will never fails to include me in the picture, and he will do his very best to provide a good future for the obth of us.

Ok. so these are the 10 qualities i look in a man. Other girls might have another different thing thy look in a man. But then if you are seeking for a life partner or mayb a true love, i guess these 10 points wud b wad u r reali seeking for rite.. i am someone who never grumble having too much $$.. bt then, i know if we all have the effort to find $$.. nth is impossible. so this $$ point dun reali have to b included in IF ur man had all 10 points above, den $$ is not reali an issue anymore cuz u had juz found a great and awesome guy. Treasure them if u found one, cuz u might not know when thy'll get away.. hahahah

but bear in mind, never let $ bcm an issue in ur rlship.. $ is a sensitive matter and it cud get ugly if this issue rise up.. so handle money matters carefully and u will see tat both of u will have a blooming and great rlship and love life with each other.. THIS IS THE FACT!!
agree and stay..disagree and juz leave this page....

2/1/10

2010-01-01T23:46:00.000-08:00

today is the 2nd day of 2010. well, first i thought that my wish wudn't cm true until yst. now, all things had fall into place and the next thing im concentrating on wud b my career. I'll b starting work next week and same goes to my studies. So it will b a whole packed-like-sardines week for me starting Monday.. I still need to find time to continue my facial as well.. and im still trying to find the slot to squeeze it in. sigh~ ok let me make a simple version for u all to c how my schedule wud b starting next week..

from monday-friday ( 9am-6pm) ----work, work,work..$$$
sat & Sun ( 11-6pm ) -------study,study,study..... (=.=)!!!

Ok.. now i can't reali figure out which slot i can squeeze my facial treatment and my sports in.. (=.=).. facial's last appointment wud b at 6 and i cant reali see any time for me to squeeze it in.. nvm.. no worries.. i knw i wud hav time.. sports wud b hangin in the middle as well since its gonna b night most of the time when im free.. xcpt if i go hiking on weekends and after dat go to school straight.. den shud b ok dat way.. haha.. we'll see how.. hahaha

1/1/10

2009-12-31T20:13:00.000-08:00

i tried my very best not to think..
i tried not to show how much im hurting inside.
bt then there were times i juz cudnt hide those feelings.
i cried alot.. i laughed alot..
and it was all just because of u...

i don't dare ask for more..
because these moments meant so much to me..
i wudn't wana destroy it..
i rather keep myself in silence...
and enjoy every moment tat im with you..
before the day u walk out of my life for good..

i still rmb those kisses..
i still rmb those laughters..
i still rmb those hugs...
i still rmb those lame jokes..
that we used to share together..

love is pain.. it is not a fun thing to do..
but then i loved the way you love me..
i know how much i needed you..
i know how much i wanted you..
i know how my world wud b without you..

im sorry i was being reckless..
im sorry i was being stupid..
im sorry i was alwiz careless...
im sorry i wasn't understanding enuff..
im sorry for not being PERFECT enuff..
im sorry for all these, but i juz cudn't get u out of my mind..

each day dat passes by..
i hope and wished upon a star..
that one day you will come back to me...
i wish dat we cud b together...
i know i was being selfish for having these thoughts..
LOVE, has alwiz been selfish..

each time when u're with me..
i wished tat time wud juz freeze..
i hope time wud go slower..
so that i cud c u longer...
when its alwiz time to bid farewell...
i alwiz cry inside cause i still haven't had enuff..

im sorry if i ever did anything wrong..
im sorry that i never let u know how i felt..
im sorry for all those silly mistakes that i did..
im sorry that i wasn't the perfect one and might not be..
im sorry that i made u worry..
im sorry for everything...

even writing this i cried alot..
these words juz flow out so smoothly...
mayb its just sth dat alwiz had been in my heart..
i reali tried very hard to let you know..
i tried my very best to show you how much i love u..
i dun care how much pain im in..
i dun care how much tears i shed..
i dun care if i was ever happy...
you know how much i wanted you..

but nothing cud ever compares to how much happiness i felt..
JUST TO C U SMILE...

31/12/09

2009-12-30T22:27:00.000-08:00

Its the last day of the year, and in less than 10hours a new year is born. we bid farewell to 2009 and welcome 2010 into the world. Well.. i hope everyone gained alot during 2009, i know i did bt still i do lost some as well..

sigh~
I do hope that i will have a good ending to 2009 and a new fresh happy beginning towards 2010.. i do hope all of u were the same as well.. happy and blessed new year to all my readers. wish u all the best of luck with loads of success and wealth coming ur way. Thank you for being with me throughout my ups and downs. =)

love u all..

30/12/09

2009-12-29T21:08:00.000-08:00

2009 is coming to an end now, what hav u all achieved so far within this year. I know that i have achieved some things and lost some things as well.. Well! in life there must b a gain and a loss to make life balanced rite. Well i had let go of all my past and from tomorrow onwards i am a new person. New life, new beginning, new determination, new resolution as well as new Me♥.. I had learn a lot from the past that makes me wiser each day. Altho i am still not perfect and still at times repeat making the same mistakes, bt still non of them were purposely done.. I have had a great whole December with memories dat will lasts a lifetime, a great best buddy to stick by me at all times when i, feeling down, a loving parents and probably you♥.. What more could i ask for? i had almost everything dat a girl wud have wanted. Money is not reali dat important except when it comes to paying bills, daily expenses, feeding ur car with either 95 or 97 ( still prefer 95 cuz its cheaper and it makes no difference frm 97), or mayb when u wanted to buy dat LV bag.. hahaha.. oh mayb money might b important in life as well cuz nth in this world is FREE, for dats wad i know.. hahah... bt money is not important when is comes to happiness, cuz no money cus b able to buy u those priceless happiness.. ppl did told me, happiness is when u buy stuffs u like, yes i do agree on SOME part but not all.. den wad do u think abt this "does money ever buy u those so-called-happiness when u r diagnosed with disease that not even money cud ever cure u, or when u r breaking/divorcing with ur partner dat was caused because of money.. the lists will go on and on and on.. bt im juz lazy to list it down. Well, at times i do have my own financial problems which does give me a pain in the butt, but then i choose to live my life happily knowing tat tmrw might b my last. Well, i appreciate every single moment i had without hesitating doing things i like cause i never wanted to make myself regret when i looked back one day.. The only thing i did regret was not being able to provide a better living for my family. I was rebellious, playful and selfish while i was in my teens. I never ever cared about anyone else other den myself. i used to scold, curse and even steal.. all juz for the fun of grabbing attention. YESH! i am an attention seeker laz time.. i believe some of u who is reading this blog might also or been in my shoes before. But since i had changed, i believe that U can too.. All it needs was some experience and u will learn and grow up in no time.

Now for my brand new year in not more den 48 hours, i do wish dat i had a BF.. hahaha.. well since i knocked so hard on the floor pavement yst, i guess the wire is still kinda loose in my head..
so juz ignore this sentence.

Well, i did wana blog abt how much fun i had with the girls on 25th in Tao. but first and foremost i wud like to thank u all for the lovely prezzie.. i am using it now and i appreciate it vy much. Wad a smart idea of getting me a purse since im gonna b using it eviday, this will reminds me of u all. I do actually hope u all enjoyed the red wine and the night. It was kinda simple cuz i din actually planned out anything.. but i was reali hapi to have u all there. Thank u all for the great bday.

ok im getting more and more heavy while blogging, i wonder was it bcuz i juz had brunch or was it bcuz of the fall yst dat makes my head sot-sot at times. hahah.. well, it roughly abt 2mth's more before you will b leaving me. i wonder till then what is goin to happen.. i dare not think, i dare not ask, i dare not even dream abt it cause im scared. i am enjoying each and every moment i am having right now and its too beautiful if someone were to take it all away.. i duno y hav i fall so hard but then im happy as long as i know you are happy. ur smile is the onli things dat makes me meltzz♥♥♥♥ u might not b dat perfect to others but then i like u juz the way u r. Bear that in mind. You are alwiz perfect juz being urself.

okok here will my New Year resolution be..

Achieve a good result in my school and be the best student in whole M'sia to get at least that two title i have been aiming for.
Get a Bf, (in the midst) hahahahhaha♥
get bek to my ideal figure i had 2 yrs back. ♥
Earn more money so that i will be able to at least not worry about my financial.
Blog more.. hahahah
Do more for myself, Him and my family..♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Ok basically i guess this is wad i figure out so far.. i might add if i could think more. Bt then mainly my target for the whole of next yr is 1st and 3rd. The rest is rest assured dat i will work hard for it to happen. If this is what i want, i will need to work hard to achieve it. Ok i guess enuff of saying d.. i think i will blog more in a few days to come about NYE's celebration.. till then.. bye bye...

PS : if u dun like wad i wrote.. u can juz FUTT off.. ♥♥♥

27/12/09

2009-12-27T05:33:00.001-08:00

wow.. it seems dat i have not been touching my blog for quite awhile now.. hahah.. so now gonna do some quickie updates.. im in a hunger mode now.. juz ate apples for dinner.. =.=!!

ok, so this is a post abt my bday celebration dat had juz passed. I had a splendid and reali memorable party dat day.. its not reali a party dat is made for me bt then it was an awesome party dat i cud say, amazing. i had early dinner on 24th at Tao's restaurant with my parents and a few others =).. We had a great time snapping pics and eat..eat...eat... tho i din reali eat alot.. ON DIET ma.. So my parents gave me the key necklace on dat day while my godbro gave me angpows lor..

After dinner i was supposed to meet a bunch of frens in HR dat nite bt ended up din go as frens din have a confirm answer as to wer thy were goin. So i went to UPR with Kent win while waiting for suesan.. Too bad nicole din came with us but the its a good thing she din came cuz we were like, went home super late and the next day she nits to work summore.. hahah. So when we reached it was kinda early still i guess cause thr were no traffic jams thr. We went to sega to hav a drink 1st while suesan took her time coming with the beloved so called Hiao Kang bro.. hahaah
den we were like chatting chatting chatting and camwhorming <-- as wad i did usually, chenchen called and ask wer was i.. after a few minutes thy appear in the toilet and gave me a cake.. how sweettttt... i was like so hapi cuz horrrr, ppl so wu sim.. gam dong lar.. hahah.. after dat when san reached we went to Mois.. Its packed and we hardly cud get in there.. bt luckily san met one of her frens dat bought us in. Then when we were inside we waited for table cuz all the tables were like full.. =.=!!!! bt surprised dat the club is not reali packed until like sardins..

while i was on tehe way inside i met sarah, hot mama dat i knew in starbucks.. on thing funny was we alwiz bump into each other no matter wer we go.. its like ady been more den 4 times ady.. i guess this is wad i called fate.. hahah

Afta dat san tiok hilang go to duno wer liao, so i remained thr with Hiao kang 1, Hiao kang 2 and ah boy. hahahha... u guys mz b wondering who is 1 and two.. come let mem introduce.. hiao kang 1 is our beloved shane koh while hiao kang 2 is no other den kent win.. hhaha.. wey~ this post is juz for fun nia arrr.. dun keep in ur heart arrr.. i guess when the liquor arrived on our table we took almost half hour to finish it all.. i drank like errrr.... 3 neat glass of dat liquor.. so tak sedap.. yuck!!!.. hahahah den afta dat of cuz time to dance liao lar... Met cat thr, my beloved dance partner.. used to dance sexy dance tgther laz time.. hahahaha.. she's still dat good..

met javon thr as well.. he was like so high.. ahahahhahahhah..

den after dat suak tiao.. (end ) so all go bek home.. hahahahahahah.. no more updates liao..
i malas mau write oso.. mayb see mood.. if good tmrw update more abt the next day mia gathering with the gals..

i cudnt bliv in one day i bcame the hot topic of the day.. hahahahahahah... notification full till inbox nit to delete.. =.=!! anyway love ya'll..

mishhhhh euuuuu... <3

18/12/09

2009-12-18T06:31:00.000-08:00

Went to have my usual facial in gurney few days ago. It was supposed to be the last one ady but bought another package for maintain purpose. Acne is still not really cleared fully, so i guess another few times shud do the trick ba.. if not im reali gonna cry d.. After facial guess wad my parents did, thy brought me my bday gift, and to mark my 21st bday this year.. thy bought me a key necklace with a love design on it.. its not cheap but then i really love it. This is my 1st burffdae prezzie from my parents and mum said she'll keep till its my actual date onli den she'll giv it to me.. Wasn't able to take pics of the necklace tho, bt nvm lar... will post it after my bday. Nth special to other ppl bt then its a token of love frm them to me.. so it meant alot to me.

Well, im on a strict diet now, means no rice, no-flour contained foods, no junk foods... STRICT NO NO for about a mth... i am only allowed to take lean meats, lotsa vege's, fruits.. Dat's all.. Bt for the time being b4 my bday i got another extreme kinda diet.. My secret ingredient...shhhh~ i hope by doing dat it works.. i've been doin serious workouts these few days as well.. hope all these will turn to be good results for me.. i've been working reali hard to achieve this.. pls dun fail me..

Seems dat most ppl are on holidays now, and im stuck at home.. bt well, its good too as i dun reali have the mood to go out as well... i juz feel like lazy-ing on the bed the whole day.. starring at the computer.. doing absolutely nth except workouts.. dats all.. even with my bday ard the corner, i have no mood at all to celebrate it.. i do have a list of wishes tat hoped to be granted this year, but hopefully Santa would be kind enuff to grant them for me.. i've been a very good gal this year.. so pretty puleezeeee Santa..

My brain is not functioning well these few weeks.. its going haywire and the screw is getting loose.. HaiLat lorrrrr~
im writing this blog in a half conscious state.. cuz i'm sick at the moment.. my eyes are almost closing now bt his face is clearly in my mind now.. i miss him so much as days goes by.. i can't seem to get him out of my mind and i can't forget him. y does it have to be so hard.. bt im still hoping for the best to happen.. im still waiting~ and will keep on...

counting till xmas ~ 7 days

days b4 the end ~ 62 days... =(

16/12/09

2009-12-15T20:42:00.000-08:00

9 more days to go till xmas.
But al of a sudden i didn't really feel the excitement, its like sth's missing.

Had a pretty massive argument with mum in the car just now. Its just abt the way things are lately. Me coming back and them being in this situation. Kinda think of it, mayb she was kinda right when she scolded me just now.. Tho its hurtful, but i wud take it as a challenge to prove to her dat i am not wad she say i was.. I hate being looked down at and hate it when people tries so damn hard to crush my hopes and dreams.. As chinese says "splash u with a cold bucket of water". But the more you look down on me, the more i know i will succeed in achieving it..

Well, lately my emotions is not reali at good stake, but now it has returned to normal ady.. I am bek to my old self now.. =) this feels good... i miss you..

don't tell me bad
no matter whose words it is, it will attract and open the eyes of drama
it will clear up like dejavu
you are the real and ideal super lady
until the morning
please tell me the password
Up to a morning It's get in "HOT"
WOW WOW i don't need anything
the moment i hold you i have no regrets
I wanna know about you
i can't stop my urges
moonlight Show You can be my Queen tonight
It's amazing love
it's flexibly so...
open the door to tomorrow and come
like a puzzle you're the last piece
oh baby, let me take U there
secret holic
Until the moning
the one i can see through is gonna stop
Up to a morning It's get in "HOT"
WOW WOW you've awoken a miracle
I miss you "TOP OF THE WORLD "
i can't come to my senses with your sweet kiss and i embraced everything
（Walking on the top of world)
I wanna know about you
i can't stop my urges
moonlight Show You can be my Queen tonight
until the morning
let me know your password
Up to a morning It's get in "HOT"
WOW WOW i don't need anything
I miss you "TOP OF THE WORLD "
the moment i hold you i have no regrets

Because of you <3

2009-12-14T19:30:00.000-08:00

I... still... can't... get over you
I never forget...
Boy I never forget.... boy
Can't remember how many years it has been since we broke up
But I cry every time when I think about you
Why Im so eager to see you today?
The sound of rain droplets leaves my heart shaken up.

I regret giving you my love
I regret getting attached to you
I regret holding you back
Why do I have to face the pain alone?
I regret giving you my love
I regret getting attached to you
I regret holding you back
Why do I have to face the pain alone?
I tried to be your only girl
And did you ever understood my heart?
Now it became the compass
Of broken love
Tears are flowing down
And soaks the dry lips
Oh what should I do,Now I can't erase you out of my mind

I cried a lot because of you (I cried every night~)
I laughed a lot because of you (Because of you)
I believed in the love because of you (Wooh boy~)
Ive lost everything because of you
Im speechless, suffocating and lonely
The world without you has
Chewed out my heart
Stomped on my dignity
Torn apart my heart
So why did you leave me behind?

It also rained on that day
Youve stared at me wordlessly
Youve stared at nothing else but me
Those trembling gazes,And the awkwardly forced smile
Speaks of our separation.

I regret giving you my love
I regret getting attached to you
I regret holding you back
Why do I have to face the pain alone?
I regret giving you my love
I regret getting attached to you
I regret holding you back
Why do I have to face the pain alone?
Youve told me to leave
And the moment leave
You treat me as if Im insane
Its just too hard (boy slow down)
Then I cry silently and wordlesslyCause I want to stay next to u
My luv is true, wanna go back 2 when I was with u

I cried a lot because of you (I cried every night~)
I laughed a lot because of you (Because of you)
I believed in the love because of you (Wooh boy~)
Ive lost everything because of you
Im speechless, suffocating and lonely
The world without you has
Chewed out my heartStomped on my dignityTorn apart my heart
So why did you leave me behind?

I miss u I need u
Even in my dreams Im wit u..
I miss u I need u
Rewind back the timeI wanna kiss u again ma boy

My heart aches
Its too much to bear
And where are you? (I cried a lot)
Cant live without you
Please come back to meAnd stay with me

I cried a lot because of you (Yeah~)
I laughed a lot because of you (I laughed a lot~)
I believed in the love because of you (Oooh-Yeah~)
Ive lost everything because of you (Because of you~)
Im speechless, suffocating and lonely
The world without you has
Chewed out my heartStomped on my dignityTorn apart my heart
So why did you leave me behind?

The law of attraction..

2009-12-14T18:19:00.000-08:00

Most people don't realize that the law of attraction works for everything. It's not just about attracting money, or that new job or car, or any other material thing you may want, it's about using it to attract everything you want in your life, including attracting love. Since the law of attraction is always on and you're attracting everything into your life already, why not do so consciously.

Law of Attraction Love

In using the law of attraction to attract love, you must have a clear vision of what you want in your ultimate relationship. We're talking details here, not generalities. And if you don't define exactly what you want, you may end up with a prince that turns into a toad or a witch disguised as a princess.

Attracting The Prince or Princess

The thing to realize about Law of Attraction Love is that you will be attracting to you exactly how you feel about yourself. How you feel about yourself, how much you love yourself---will be mirrored to you by the person you attract. So it is very important that you...

Love Yourself First

Every relationship we have, be they the ones from work, play, our communities or our private lives--all of these relationships reflect back to us the love we give ourselves. They will tell you or not whether you are loving yourself first.

While this may seem selfish, it is imperative if you are going to partner with someone else. If you don't love yourself, how can you love another? If you don't love yourself, how can they love you? When you are in a relationship, you will find that the way that person loves you is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself.

It really is that simple.

All relationships are mirrors of our own self- love.

So how do we attract love? By loving ourselves first.

This can be an incredibly challenging endeavor for most people. They have no clue where to begin. And it is not an uncommon problem. I find it everywhere I go.

One of the biggest problems in the world today is a lack of self-love. Once you learn to love yourself, you have the ability to be compassionate and caring toward others. Until you love yourself, you don't really have the capacity for compassion. If the lack of self-love is at the core of your life that will be reflected back to you every one you meet and in every thing that you do.

I think that's why people struggle for the best house, the best clothes, the best car, the best body---because there's something missing on the inside.

Having all these material things are great---but if you seek them to fill the hole inside, you'll find that hole is really a black hole that continually consumes everything around you. It affects and warps the energy field of everything in your life.

There's only one thing that fills the black hole within and it is self-love. There's no magic pill you can take that can fix it, but if you pay attention, apply your consciousness and start to love yourself first, watch out, because your life will change for the better.

You'll experience a forward momentum and soon find yourself with your own law of attraction love match.

2pm tired of waiting

2009-12-13T22:23:00.000-08:00

Getting tired while waiting… (U know?)
Gotten tired while waiting and~
U Know, do you know how I feel?
Gotten tired while waiting~
Do you still remember me? (Oh~ no)
Even if a day goes by, I'll still remember you
Even if a month goes by, I still won't let you go
Can you understand my desires for you? (oh~no)
Going insane while waiting
and each day feels like a year.
Oh~ I, I I I~ was waiting and while I was waiting,( yeah~)
It felt as if you would come back
or if I look back I would see your face

Oh~ I I I I~ am going insane, going insane (yeah~)
I am holding back just in case you come back, (oh yeah~ )
I am still waiting (oh yea~)
Even if a month goes by, I'll still remember you.
Even if a year goes by, I still won't let you go
Can you understand my desires for you? (oh~no)
Going insane while waiting
and each day feels like a year.
Oh~ I, I I I~ was waiting and while I was waiting
It felt as if you would come back
or if I look back I would see your face
Oh~ I I I I~ am going insane, going insane (yeah~)

Why is it so hard
and everything's so complicated in my head.
I was waiting and waiting
and yet no answers from you
I didn't cry because of you
and you didn't leave because of me
So why is it so hard, why is it so hard?

I will wait for a year
or even a decade if I have to.
Oh~ I I I I I I I I will wait and it's fine if tire myself out.
Going insane while waiting
and each day feels like a year.
Oh~ I, I I I~ was waiting and while I was waiting
It felt as if you would come back
or if I look back I would see your face
Oh~ I I I I~ am going insane, going insane (yeah~)

12/12/09

2009-12-12T06:13:00.000-08:00

my face is red and im down with slight fever..

these few days i've been having insomnia. can't sleep well, kept on thinking abt alot of stuffs.. my body is tearing apart yet my mind is still so wide awake.. i'll be starting my course next january ard 4th but due to insufficient place fr me and a student so our class is only 2days a wekk till march.. and frm monday till friday will b off and sat and sun will b d day we're having class... so im planning to take part time job to at least lower my burden for the moment.. i got too much to do and i need income coming in as well. xmas is coming d and i hav yet to plan out anything.. for this special day of mine, i dun reali wana clbrt with anyone excpt one particular person. but still the more the merrier rite.. heheheh...

been into korean songs lately, influence by si lang kent.. hahah..

but seriously its reali nice, even if u search in youtube, you'll love it cause of the meaning. i dun know abt those ppl out thr but then at times i feel the meaning in most of the songs xplains the feelings in my heart.. probably diz is y i love these songs.

well i guess blogging to me nowadays has been more like a personal journal for me to express my feelings.. bt still whenever thr's other things to blog abt im sure to blog abt it oso..

past few days old illness visited me again.. yea, the kind which reali likes to let u feel wad hell is abt kinda illness.. its back... argggghhh~ hate nia. i've been listening to the same song for the past few days while having a kinda sad feelings inside. i wan to find someone to talk to but i dun think anyone will b able to understand, so i guess keeping it inside is the best choice.. no matter how, at least im still smiling for those ppl i love.. u knw lar, girls pandai emo wan lar.. bt i guess im good in hiding my feelings cuz i dun think any1 realized it, except for nicole.. cilaka nia! all oso knw wan...

its not easy to put on a mask infront of everyone, its not easy to tell ppl u're ok while ure not and definitely its not easy to find a shoulder to lean on for u to weep. bt at least i can b hapi whenever i told myself, 'there's still hope'. i've been relying on the word 'hope' all this while.. 'hope' is wad keeps me strong for these two month's.

but, i smile whenever i see u smile. =)

9/1209

2009-12-08T10:24:00.000-08:00

Its the 9th day of December.

These past few days, been having gastric attacks and kinda serious ones but still not as serious as the one i had previously dat had me admitted to the hospital. Been on medication these few days dat made me weak and face turn pale. Luckily got makeup to cover it up. hehehehe... had fever on and off. but shud b ok in a few days more d.. cuz the pain is not dat severe d.

how can i find that answer to my question and how can i stand up from the fall i had? does crying helps you to release your emotion? does acting silly cover your tears? does lying to urself helps u to feel better?

i did try to choose to live life more happily. but how come sth is missing. =(

6/12/09

2009-12-06T06:46:00.000-08:00

Its the 6th day of December, holiday season now. Everywhere i go thy joy of x'mas fills me up. The decorations, the songs and even the foods that could only be found during x'mas is out. X'mas this year has been abit slow for me. Or its has been like this for the past few years. How is everyone doin and wad is your new year's resolution for the year 2010. I sure had mine planned out nicely. Well, will share it here at the end of the post MAYB! hehehe.. So mayb you could share yours with me 1st. =)

My birthday is just ard the corner but i din quite feel the excitement altho im goin to b officially 21 this year. I felt that i had waste alot of my time this doin sth dat is absolutely goin no wer. Bt at least my mind is aware now and im goin the correct path now. Did sth stupid and silly today. Ok, well it was silly but at least i wud b stupid not doing it. Nicole was trying to slap me back to reality just now.. i was like laughing and laughing and laughing.. She did ask me wad's my plan for my birthday, seriously i gave her a dumb folded face and said i dun know. She is someone i wud say, understands me well and she knw wad's on my mind. Did told her if she duno wad i need, want and thinking im gonna downgrade her bff's position to normal friend position... we laughed.

Well, i gotta look things at the bright side too once in a while. Im trying to keep my mind in reality now cause i've been trying to make life as a fairy tale these few days.. sucks rite.. hahahah i knw.

i've been not feeling well these two days due to serious gastric problem.. Had late lunch yst and boy, the late was really pretty late. I am still feeling the dizziness and the pain in the abdomen.. Din tell my parents tho cuz the last time of the attack i was being hospitalized for a whole week. =.=!! I am taking med now, and im feeling much better compared to yst altho its still not fully recovered.

Nicole asked me to come along to kl a few days b4 my birthday. I still dun knw if i could make it? budget is a problem as well as birthday is ard the corner and i bet i will b spending some amount tho. Birthday this year will be as quiet as the past few years. i wonder if my wish wud came true this year.

Am i someone who is dat bad? yea, from the look of my record, i guess its quite bad. Bt, at least im no longer looking to b like who i am back in the past. I guess i need to thank Asaph for this. He thought me alot about life as well and he is the one who made me realize dat i need a purpose in life. Well i had everything in order now, almost perfect except one thing is missing.

well, like miley cyrus's the climb im feeling sth like this lyrics here

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
The pain I'm knowing
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,

This song could partly xplain my emotion at the moment but like was is written here, even how hard this battle im facing could be, i got to be strong and keep on goin.. never giving up. My life has alwiz been a mess as im never serious in anything im doing but at least i did wake up din i. There is still time to change everything. Everyone deserve a chance to change as well as being forgiven. So have you forgiven all those dat has done wrong to you or have you apologize to those that you hurt b4. If u still haven't better do it fast. I have been living my life in regrets too long ady, so im not goin to give myself a chance to do sth dat i will regret again.

People out there.. let me share sth with you, if u have a purpose or sth up in ur mind nw dat you are unsure of wad decision to make, its best to close your eyes and find the answer.. cuz when time flew by and u missed the opportunity, its never gonna turn back to u.. Me on the other hand, waiting for miracles to happen now. And im praying hard and hoping it'll happen. =) wish me luck and pray for me.

=( Nicole, i do need u now. Pinjam me shoulderrr...

i miss u...... i need a hug dat hopefully its from u.

shoutoutlounge = your daily dose of fun

2009-11-29T19:58:00.000-08:00

hey, im back blogging again and the good news is im not going Ipoh anymore cuz i'll be staying here to continue my course instead.. yippieee =) (common let's celebrate, celebrate.. yuhoooo)

Ok, now for my 1st thing that i need to do before 2010. Loose 10kg's. I tell u it ain't gonna be easy u knw.. gaining weight is goin to be a piece of cake but not when u wana loose them. But, i bet with someone to loose by then.. so Be it!!! heheh..

Some of u might wonder y my post title is as wad above is, cause actually i am a shouter myself and its kinda sad to see more and more ppl left shoutout cuz thy no longer thinks its fun anymore. Most of those people that was in shoutout is bloggers themselves. Hehehe, someone did ask me before why i still stayed, its actually very simple, cause i actually feel that shoutout is not like any other common chat room wud be. They feel like a family to me. Shoutout has different shouters from across whole M'sia and not forgetting there are shouters from different countries as well. Well, ever since i became a shouter i did c alot of changes being done here and there, and its goin to be sad to see shoutout to go ( KabOosh!! ) because tak ada traffik.. hahaha

well honestly, because of shoutout i did made alot of friends from different states, different races and different perspective, not to mention different AGE.. for a person like me, i hardly make friends cause mayb people dun reali like me dat much. But shouters dun care who the hell u might be, they juz accept u for who u are.. Altho there are shouters who beh syok here and thr but its doesnt onli happen here lar, outside oso can happen lar.. But i still stayed with shoutout cause i feel happy talking to them..you knw shoutout is no ordinary chatroom, its actually cool for people who likes to interact, but at times i'll just lurk ard and c wad thy're chatting on. thr's PIC's comment oso available now and the current hottest topics in shoutout are GAMES!! Guy's.... haihzzzz!! tho i loves games but then i dun think im dat crazy over them, so tak ngam topic.. hahahaha... but wud love if i can join them in their game.. hahahahah.. looks fun. well!! Sounds fun...

Shoutout has alot of different types of ppl, there are IT genius, fashion freak, emo shouters, photo kaki's and alot alot more.. u name it yourself. But sadly alot of these people no longer has the interest to shout anymore, and thy left one by one. Some cuz found new website d, some working and no time and some other reasons lar.. Still there are shouters that are still there till now. And thy are the active ones..

Well!! i missed alot of the gatherings tho, but due to insufficient members, we cant really organize SOYEG 2009 this year. Sad... =(

Well... whether you have the same opinion about shoutout as me, you be the judge. Honestly, i feel shoutout can be the best group of friends i known. *better ask lasker to organize more gatherings.. hehehe.

(this is a personal post, not advertising purpose...) hehehhehe =) byeeee

straight through my heart

2009-11-14T09:03:00.001-08:00

Ohhhh Ohhhh
In the heaRt
Of the night
When it's dark
In the lights
I heard the loudest noise
A gunshot on the floor
Ohhhh Ohhhh

I looked down
And my shirt's turning red
I'm spinning around
Felt her lips on my neck
And her voice in my ear
Like I missed you
want you tonight

Chorus:
Straight through my heart
A single bullet got me
I can't stop the bleeding
Ohhhh
Straight through my heart
She aimed and she shot me
I just can't believe it
Ohhhh
No I can't resist
And I can't be hit
I just can't escape this love
Straight through my heart
Soldier down(my heart)
Soldier down(my heart)

Thought I moved
More than on
Thought I could
Fool her charm
I really wanna go
But I can't leave her alone
Ohhhh Ohhhh

Hear the sound
Of a love so loud
I just can't, I just can't
Ignore this feeling
Said she misses me
And she wants me
Wants me tonight

Chorus:
Straight through my heart
A single bullet got me
I can't stop the bleeding
Ohhhh
Straight through my heart
She aimed and she shot me
I just can't believe it
Ohhhh
No I can't resist
And I can't be hit
I just can't escape this love
Straight through my heart
Soldier down(my heart)
Soldier down(my heart)

In the heart
Of the night
When its dark
In the lights
I heard the loudest noise
A gunshot on the floor
Ohhhh Ohhhh

Chorus:
Straight through my heart
A single bullet got me
I can't stop the bleeding
Ohhhh
Straight through my heart
She aimed and she shot me
I just can't believe it
Ohhhh
No I can't resist
And I can't be hit
I just can't escape this love
Straight through my heart
Soldier down(my heart)
Soldier down(my heart)

14/11/09

2009-11-14T05:44:00.000-08:00

i feel like privatizing my blog.. i feel that i dun really have privacy whenever i blog. I've been having a shit hell of a time, messed up in emotion as well. I don't feel like im someone i used to know. I don't feel happy and i feel like a prisoner in my own world. Friends asked me if i was happy with the way i am now, i pause and was wordless. I don't know how to answer them. The only thing running in my mind till now is, 'AM i HAppy?'.

I've been coming to Starbucks everyday, surfing the net everyday and the only thing i feel im comfortable with is surfing the net and blog. But i couldn't really blog about almost anything cause my blog is a public blog. Last time i did thought of making my blog, well at least famous but now this blog has become more of a personal journal to me.

I actually wanted to live in a world of my own, i feel its more comfortable this way. I haven't been sleeping really well cause i have alot of problems which is troubling me and its only me dat could actually solve this problems. I don't want to tell or being questioned for what is wrong with me as it would stir up my temper.

i dun know wad to doooooo

13/11/09

2009-11-13T05:00:00.000-08:00

Am i loosing on Hope or am i loosing on feelings. I can't really made up my mind about certain decisions. I have thoughts that has been bugging me for quite some time already. Or to be certain those kind of feelings that has been kept inside me. Something juz struck my mind moments ago, it was not really some Thing, it was more of a person.

My mind is loosing its patience. . . .

I'm loosing focus, I'm loosing the feelings i once had. Now its a mixed up feelings.

errrr.... my mind is like " . . . . . . . "

im gonna BID 'farewell' to bloggiful world AGAIN!

2009-11-12T19:35:00.000-08:00

im gonna be away from technology world again and most probably wont be here everyday facebooking and 'shouting'... OH my god im gonna miss all these so much... even if i get to be on9 it would oso be like once in a while... =.=!!

anyway, my birthday is just around the corner.. another 1more month to go... i dun reali knw wad's planned out and i dun even knw if i wud b celebrating or not. neway some of my girls did say that its a Bachelorette nite out on my day.. so probably i might be having two different events.. one with family and one just for friends. hehehe... A Fat pig will b flying from Aussie.. so gotta catch up with him And one more gorgeous lady from Sarawak. hahahahahha..

I successfully registered in Clara ady is a packed 1yr LONGGGGgggg course whereby sat and sun's at times its offday, off on some P.H.. But X'mas its definitely OFF.

oh yea, im like so in LUV with this poladroid effects... See how niceeee pics can bcm..

Btw.. CHIN MEI MEI happie 21st birthday. 'dai gor lui lor, yu sang sang seng seng zou yan ooooo'.. Its been like years since we saw each other... i think the last time was back in Disted horrr.. den u left to go Kdu den i oso left to go kayelle.. dats when we all lost contach with each other... Now im bek in penang and u're already moved to JB.. =.=!!!

Neverthe less. i still wish u all the best in ur career, ur studies, family and ur love life.. hehehe Cute bf u got thr.. hahahaha.. But most importantly, food luck in ur future undertakings.. Dun forget when u come bek here Must call me out u knw.. Well im in Ipoh dat time oso.. hahahah.

~gosh i duno wad to write liao, im gonna miss Shoutout the most.. its like 2nd family.. wuwuwu~
when gonna hav gathering like this again.. =.=!!! (LASKER mari bergathering )

11/11/09

2009-11-11T07:07:00.000-08:00

today im not really doing any updating. just some random posts that's all. Yup im in starbucks again, drinking my Fav classic chocolate. Taste different from previously method of doing it. Heard from suesan dat wen's uncle juz passed away peacefully after a period of fighting with cancer. I hope that wen will be able to stay strong despite circumstances. Juz like her to knw that everyone is here for her.

sigh~ its so boring. i juz came back from facial treatment as usual in Gurney. Had dinner with parents just now in Tao's and after that lepak in Starbucks for a while. Its goin to rain soon. I also gotta leave because i did not bring my specs out today. So clumsy of me. so now im having a lil blurry vision while driving. so gotta be extra careful.

While i was otw back frm penang to oto CT, a myvi juz HAD to race with me. i did not knw he wanted to race until he actually tried to hit my car (not actually hit juz imitating), so i got furious and chased dat car... we were practically racing till we went on separate ways after reaching B'worth. But my car is safe to race cuz i just got my wheel balanced and alignment done.

P.s : i got scolded by my bf for racing just now... =.=!!!

but then.. racing was kinda fun.. hahahahhahaa.. bt its really dangerous cuz a slip of a finger and u wud have been dead.. So dun race..

errr.. Miss nobody

2009-11-08T22:11:00.000-08:00

at time i just dun understand, with tat kind of height u expect to b voted miss. u gotta b kidding. u might have the sweet innocent looks but u surely aint anyone. Dun pretend to b a miss Congeniality while u have a bad character. Hey if u think u have the brains u shud b doing charity instead of going into pagent and did nth for the charity. Use ur looks to get some funds flowing for the unfortunate, and mayb then ppl will rmb u as someone. U're alwiz competiting in all those ridiculous pagents bt din win anything.. my god!!!

9/11/09

2009-11-08T20:46:00.000-08:00

Notice the date, it looks almost like the 9/11 date rite. Today i've been sitting in my dad's office as usual but at least it should be better then staying home alone and wasting money by going outside on9-ing in cafe's whereas internet here is totally free and only i have the access to it.

Today is as usual a boring day for me. I felt like a handicapped people when im not working or doing anything except eat, sleep and surfing the net everyday. Gosh!! i wish tat time will fly by fast so i can go and start my studies and end faster for me to be able to come out and work again. Dun feel really comfortable tho without working. No income coming in means no expenses that can go out. =.=!! I still have some leftovers in the bank tho luckily. Afta paying for school and other 'chaplang' stuffs im not left with much but still thr is some lar. I can feel the pressure of competing once again. I love having loads of challenges cuz my brain tends to wear off when i dun often use it for thinking. U knw when u dun really use ur brain for thinking u tend to get more and more dumb. Dat's wad i feel ler.

Today my body feel really restless eventho i get 8hrs of sleep. I woke up feeling a huge burden on my head dat makes me almost fell on the floor, leg was so weak and my eyes could hardly open. Well! i really do hope that in time to come i will b able to keep myself buzy with school, music and church. Oh!!! not forgetting my photography. I'm gonna brush up on that.

Ok now wad's missing in my list.. Let me list down and see which one is still missing since 2007 until today.

Lappie
Mp3 player
Cam kit lens / flash
Polaroid choco

Well all these im gonna work hard to get them. Plus its gonna b a challenging time for me within this 1yr's time. Juggling with studies and my future. Oh Lord! pls look afta me and make sure everything is going smoothly and according to ur will.

7/11/09

2009-11-06T23:37:00.000-08:00

Today is a Saturday, nth much to do so i was goofing around in Starbucks as usual cause internet at home was not able to connect. Sth wrong with Streamyx or the port probably so there were alot of times especially at night the internet weren't able to connect. So today i was at the same place, ordering the same favorite drink and sitting down blogging. Well the weather over here i pretty hot at the moment. Sun is blazing and shinning brightly. No signs of raining anytime soon at the moment.

Sitting in front of me now is a lady with her kid a cute boy. The mum asked if she could sit at the same place as me as i was alone and plus i was sitting at a comfortable sofa seats. So i told them to go ahead and sit with me. The lady, all of a sudden asked me if i were the same girl sitting here last night. so i said i was and she told me that she were here also yst and that she were sitting outside with a bunch of friends and one of her friend asked her to check me out =.=! cuz he thinks dat im HOT! and then dat lady were telling me when they passed by the mirror outside the place im sitting the lady's friend said 'there, there, this hot chick. Check her out'. Then this lady said that she will definately tell her 'dat friend' that she is sitting in front of me now.. HAHAHA!! i told her to send my appreciation in his compliment.. Well!! its a courtesy to say thank you if someone gives u a compliment rite?

I can't stop wondering and thinking abt the plans that I'm about to carry out. I have alot to accomplish in a very short period of time. But by God's grace im sure that i'll definitely achieve all of them. Seems like everyone is either busy with work, or shopping today and im the only one that is too free to actually sit around here and blog.. But hey!! if not for blogging i dun think thr's anyting more that i could do. Parents went to work early in the morning ady and internet is not accessible at home, so i rather waste my time here blogging and enjoy the environment at Starbucks.

Im daydreaming the day while listening to my fav blues and jazzz.... (LUMzzzZZzz mode)

6/11/09

2009-11-06T04:42:00.000-08:00

I'm here stranded in Starbucks for internet cuz i cant have internet connections at home. Sucks!!! And having alot of thoughts in my mind now. My life seems to be having sth that is holding me back in doing alot of things. I stare out of hte window to actually see a reflection of myself on the window. When i look at myself i see nth. I'm supposed to see sth great in me, sth which will reflect someone great, someone who is a strong and someone who is walking the path to success, but all i see now is someone who is lost, someone who doesn't seems to be happy with who she is now. I am not sure what is causing me this. Perhaps when i figure out the root that is causing this i might actually be able to find light in my life once again. I prayed to the Lord and i did actually got alot of feedbacks for all of them. Some which im still figuring out if that is wad The Lord actually wants in my life and some i have started doing ady.

I had accepted Christ into my life a few mth's ago and life has been really great after that. I learnt alot on being a christian and i will never stop learning. I have learnt to be more patient (proven), and forgive n forget. just as written in the scriptures.

If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness [everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action].
1 John 1: 9

I have quit from drinking, from clubbing and smoking. Praise the Lord for his power. I did all this not by my own bt with His strength.

Colossians 3:17 – "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

today is a very moody weather.. its been raining whole day until now, its still droplets of rain. But i love this kind of weather cause it makes the place more cooling. I've been wanting these kinda weather since duno how many month's ago and now its finally raining season d. so good.

i have been camwhorming alot in the room few days back.. Hahahah!! let u see mayb one of the pics.. hahaha

This pic makes me look.. erm.... i duno.. probably someone could say sth.. hahahaha

6/11/09

2009-11-06T03:53:00.000-08:00

Dat day on the 2nd, Parkson Grand is having its 22nd anniversary and whoever is a Parkson Grand Member as well as Bonuslink Card holder gets to enjoy 22times of points. Me and my parents went to Gurney straight after their work cuz mum needs to buy a Sanuk shoe that is a creation of a doctor hich is proven effective in healing those patients with problematic legs (posture oso can). So mum asked me to buy one also since im having some problems with my leg oso. So i bought one oso.. Its not really fashionable type of shoes tho but its good for the legs and alot of testimonies has proven that it really works.
*the shoe is called 'FitFloop'.These shoes are specially made to fit ur feet and u cant buy anything dat doesn't suit ur feet as well. if u're a size 6 u need to wear size 6. nth more or less than that.

So cuz its 22times of points that can be collected, i 'sun bian' went for shopping spree oso lar. Bought quite a number of good stuffs oso lor dat day. Such as my beautiful bag. From Giamax. Altho i never reali heard of it but then i googledit and found out that it is actually a local designers item. that has 38 years of legacy as well. Not bad for a bag. but its not bad as well. This bag is on a 70% discount so i was not hesistate to buy it.. Oh! and yea mum bought one too.. heheh

*this is mine and mum one's are as below. hahahahaha... This looks quite elegant so i juz grab it without a 2nd thought.

So me and my parents went shopping and grab a few household items as well. But we spent everything plus dad's things and household items and plus with our 'barang-barang' almst to 1.4k. but then everything is worth buying on that particular day cause everything u buy is on 22times points and this means 1k equals to 22,ooo of points oso... hahahahahahahahahhah. Dat day is our family's happiest day as its been years since we buy sth so happily.

Oh yea. my luggage which i bought it at very very cheap price. its really worthwhile. So dat day it also helped and served me alot. cause all shopping items i juz put it into the luggage. The most heaviest lappie oso into the luggage. So convenient.. hahahahah....

So if anyone missed the members day that day, too bad for u cuz the 22times of points is only for that specific day. Oh yea forgot with anything u purchase RM150 and above u are entitles for a RM10 voucher. But now u can only get the voucher's i think for cosmetic purchases only and no more for apparels ady... Too bad cuz dat day is really a vy vy good time for u to purchase everything till CNY oso.. even year end sales might not be this good.. hahahha

Anyway this is the end of my shopping spree post for today.. till then.. love u all who is reading this.. =) hope u enjoyed it

6/11/09

2009-11-05T20:36:00.000-08:00

today is the 6th d and now only im starting to blog abt things that happened probably a week ago.. hahahah... been going out and having vy good food alot since i came back to Penang and been putting on alot of excessive weight. HAHAH~

have been to my friend's birthday party a week ago.. Wow~ the size of her house is darn big.. hahah. never knew tat she moved ady till i was invited to her 21st party.. hahah. btw here's a Hapie 21st Burffdae to my beloved Yik chuen aka pikachu (nickname) during high school days.. hahahahha

Let's wish her hapie 21st buffdae.. hahah i mean Belated 21st buffdae.. hahahahah. She had two Siberian husky in her house.. man dat's so cuteeeee.. i love Siberian huskies!! Dat nite i went quite late tho. but still i had loads of fun.. meeting friends dat is like haven't met for ages.. and epecially Missy Feng dat lose alot in her weight. (Almost din recognize her) hahahah.. she is almost perfect if she knw hw to dress up.. hahahah... well!! here's the pics fr most of the events day nite. all unedited cuz i still havent buy the editing software yet.. heheh~

This is the consequences of being late for a party. So YC and Joe decided to punish Serena by crowning her the Honour of being 'Birthday Princess' .. See her face.. so GAM DONG!! So as a morale of this story, don't ever be late for a party, especially a good friends one if u dun wana end up being in a spotlight.. HAHAHAHA.

This is the crowning glory of a Princess dat eventually got on my head.. hahahah.. Well!! since alot of ppl knw me by the nickname PrincessV.
4 vy close, BISING, SIAO and Kapsiao friends of mine. so far yet so close. ~heaps

~ this is two of my fellow CBW-ians.
Family picture of all of us.. plus a few tat has ady gone bk so no pics ~sob,sob... But this is the loudest and craziest gang in CBW batch 2005. We'll miss u all and friends 4eva.

3/11/09

2009-11-03T00:33:00.000-08:00

Synopsis:

A collection of five horror stories, from the studio that made SHUTTER, DORM, BODY #19, ALONE, COMING SOON, 4BIA. By Thailand’s most talented horror film directors- Banjong Pisanthanakun (Shutter, Alone, 4BIA – In the Middle), Paween Purijitpanya (Body, 4BIA- Tit for Tat), Songyos Sugmakanan (Dorm, Hormones), Parkpoom Wongpoom (Shutter, Alone, 4BIA – Last Fright), and a new director Visute Poolvoralaks the man behind the success of Shutter, Alone, 4BIA, and Coming Soon.

Novice - Fourteen year-old Pey committed a crime, so his mom decides to hide him in a Buddhist monastery to escape punishment. However, something deep down inside is bothering him. Will Pey's Karma catch up with him?

Backpackers - Upon graduation, a young Japanese couple decides to hitchhike around Thailand. They manage to get a ride on a truck, but suspect something strange in the truck's trailer. What exactly is in the back of the truck?

In the End – Four boys are filming an upcoming horror movie. As they are shooting their last scene, one of the actresses dies mysteriously. To finish the film, they have to have her complete her scene, DEAD or NOT.

Salvage – A car dealer makes her living by refurbishing used cars, sometimes with horrific pasts. One night after closing, she discovers her son is missing. Could these cars have memories of their tragic histories?

Ward – A young man is in hospital for a motorcycle accident. He is moved into a room with an old man on life support. When strange things start happening in the middle of the night, he starts to wonder. Is he really alone?

Movie Review:

Sometimes good things come in small packages and 4bia (Phobia 1) was a testament to that. The anthology of various short horror stories worked well as it removes the unnecessary padding out of a good horror idea. It allows the storyteller to focus on the crux of the horror that he is delivering and makes a good splash out of it. The four directors of 4bia brought a distinctive flavor of horror to the plate and it was fun to sit through the four mini horror movies for the price of one. Needless to say, at the end of 4bia, the sequel (if any at that point of time) was highly anticipated.

And Phobia 2 didn’t disappoint. In fact, the production value seems to have gone up a notch and sharper story telling. Even though each segment contains a whole new story, if you look closer, there are some sorts of links to the first anthology.

Without further delays, let’s review each of the segments.

Novice

It was a strong start for this anthology of horror stories. Novice blends traditional folklores, Buddhist teachings and good old scariness to preach a lesson on redemption and regrets. In it’s short time frame, it deftly touches on kinship, karma and facing one’s personal demons that left a memorable mark. It raises the question of how one would face it’s mistakes and fears. Would they run or would they stand their ground to receive their punishment.

One of the notable aspects of this segment would be the usage of special effects. Instead of overdosing it, the special effects were used quite sparingly and subtlety to aid this tale of 'you reaps what you sow'. The end result of that choice was that it created a surprisingly effective sense of eeriness and dread.

Ward

This segment invoked memory of 4bia’s Alone. Both settings are confined to one area and both segments had their respective protagonist encountering terrors from a ghostly visitation. Both were cost effective to make and yet successful in creating the terrifying tension with only two cast members.

What made Ward a notch better than Alone was the revelation at the end. It gave a better explanation to the unreasonable haunting to the poor chap who got warded. 4bia’s Alone’s rational for the haunting felt rather twisted for it’s own good and was a bit of hard sell while Ward’s rational had that fierce angle that it made sense for the ghostly disturbance. What made it even scarier would be that in a country that’s famous for the usage of black magic, this story might be plausible after all.

Backpackers

While the previous two segments uses the unseen spirits to create the disturbing atmosphere, Backpackers was a fun homage to the zombie genre. In a way, it’s similar to 4bia’s "Tit For Tat" (which is basically a black magic tale told in Final Destination style) where the fun is in attempting to survive the mess.

Like any good zombie movies out there, Backpackers wisely do without too much explanation of how the zombies were created. It basically focuses on two Japanese backpacker travelers and two dodgy truck drivers’ attempt in surviving the massacre. The fun lies in the battle for their morality, the unexpected zombies attack and a very bleak ending that screams for a sequel.

Salvage

Similar to The Last Fright in 4bia, the concept for salvage came from a far-fetched ideology that’s not without it’s merits. Previously, it was a case of what if a stewardess was stuck in a flight with a corpse and the director chose to explore the fear factors by adding vengeance and solitary in that premise.

This time round, the director chose an unscrupulous 2nd hand car dealer that deals with cars that had been involved in accidents. He pushed the horror elements in by imagining what if remnants of those tragedies are still trapped in those metals that had been remodel into sellable 2nd hand cars. In the ghost genre, it’s plausible that those who had suffered within the confine of the metallic box could somehow find their suffering trapped or transmitted in those metal objects. Personally it was an innovative idea blend such 'bottled up emotions' with the acts of a dishonest 2nd hand car dealer.

However the segment was somehow letdown by it’s execution aspect and moments that felt scary in the trailer didn’t managed to excel so much while played out in full. It doesn’t help that the segment reminded of moments from The Orphanage and Drag me to hell. In a way, it’s flawed but still worthy segment.

In the End

After getting spooked for 4 segments, "In the End" was a comedic effort that made us laugh as hard as it was spooky.

"In the End" bears the hallmarks of Banjong Pisanthanakun’s "In The Middle" as it poke fun of the horror genre like never before. It was a comedy riot when this segment self-depreciates the director’s movies such as Shutter and Alone. It even went on to poke fun of overacting in horror films and how bad decisions were made on set while filming. Who’s dead and who’s not? It all ended in a big barrel of laughs and unexpected twist that’s worth re-watching.

Without a doubt, "In the End" sets a precedence and standard for good 'homedy' (horror comedy). Needles to say, this segment is my personal favorite and in my opinion, it’s well worth the cost of admission to Phobia 2.

~Saw this movie trailer. It looks pretty interesting. i guess im gonna watch it since i ma big fan of horror movies.

1/11/09

2009-10-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

Since i cant online at home i came down to Sunway Carnival Starbucks my usual place to on9 and blog. I just had a big buffet steamboat at Seoul Garden at AutoCity with Yuet Li just now and managed to take some pictures fro the AutoFair. Alot of cars in display but only a numbers which is nice only. But one car that attracts me the most is the car which the whole interior is in LV design. Cool car!! and another car that caught my eyes wud be the car in HOT PINK!!! ok i guess i better upload the pics for viewing better.. hahahha *This car's interior freaking nice, all Lv design.. but fake Lv lar of cuz

*This car damn cun wey~ its myvi but modified till the front looks alike to honda city the older version ones..
*The back. See how the muffler and the sound system is... Damn cool..

* This Honda-City's Rim's caught my eyes and i decided to capture it.. unique and nice.. but i bet its heavy..(wonder will it cause the car to consume alot of oil)

*Banana Car

*This car cool. Kancil

*Altho i duno wad car it this but it's trying to imitate Lambourghini. And frankly its really cool.

*This is a three wheeled motorcycle. Very nice.

*This old car (volkswagon) i think.. Is from the company clarion. Specialize in Audio system. The car oso like one.

*Cool rite.

She was looking at me but i wasnt close enuff to capture her.. LMAO

*Tadaaaaa.... This is one of the car that caught my eyes. HOTPINK and its freaking nice.

* Rmb the car i was talking abt with the interior of LV's. This is the pillow..can't really capture all cars due to time limitation but then the Auto fair this year is abit better than last year's cuz there are more cars tat is AT LEAST nicer to look at. Bt then i did like the car's there. Anyway there is a Miss Mean Machine Pageant competition held tonight to award the beautiful girls (don't really think is dat beautiful excet for a few only ) for the title of Miss Most Sexiest, Miss Most Elegant and Miss Most Cutest. Anyway I am just a simple blogger with my own thoughts. If u feel offended by my blog, probably u shud just leave. HA~
Till then..signing off as PrincessV..

XOXO Love U all

28 October 2009

2009-10-27T21:49:00.000-07:00

I had just rebuild my blog and everything here is new.. i have erased everything and

now to set things at point one. The beginning. But then things aint that bad oso, at least i get to write my new inspiration. I'll b growing myself actively in blogging from now on since i had managed to get a new lappie.

Since i came back i have been very close to my family comparing to last time. Being in Kl is a huge challenge for me cause i wasn't earning much in Standard Chartered altho the pay there is way better comparing to salary that I am offered back in Penang.

But one things i hAd learn over the years in Kl was being able to b independent. It comes naturally when u're far away frm home you tend to get independent easily. Altho i still couldn't adapt to the fact that family was far away from me and i need to do all the laundries and cooking myself but all these has taught me to grow up. KL is not so far from Penang but then, being the only child ever since i was young and having to be away from my parents wasn't that easy for me as well. But last time i was rebellious so i never understood the meaning of living alone outside. Now having to be able to taste the salt outside wasn't that bad for me. Hey!! at least i get to experience real meaning of life right.

I was happy this few days cuz i actually met up with an old old friend that i never spoken to for nearly more than 3 or was it 4 years ago. And we hav slowly patching things up and i was quite glad to be able to meet her again. We are frequently smsing each other and we did also meet up whenever possible. I guess that both of us might had already grown up and let go of the past. It was quite silly tho when i think back abt the things i had messed and screw up at school last time.. hahah.. but still it was memories.. all those laughters and fun that i used to have during school days.. hiak hiak!!! Oh! btw, my friend, Charissa managed to find a few pics while we were in kindergarten.. wayyyyy so cuteeeee... dat time i guess we dont even know the meaning of Boys or even $$ yet.. Its amazing how ppl grew up so fast.. and these pics were classis i would say.. hahah

Try your luck and see if you could find me. hint* my looks never really changed.

Well! Im planning to continue back my studies but im actually quite unsure abt my plans at the moment. i tought of taking up course in culinary arts as i have a desire to cook and b a chef but then a frieind of mine told me that your interest might not end up to be sth dat u like. She did told me the pro's and con's of being in the kitchen and i did had toughts about it but it weren't as wad she said it would be. She did told me this and dat as she was studying in HnT line in KDU. She told me the fees are freaking xpnsiv and its not really worth it. But then wad can i do other den studying sth dat i like? I'm not really good in numbers so i cant go for Accounting or sth dat related alot to numbers nor can i go for sth dat is related to science as im not gud in Science subjects. FYI i flunk in kimia and add math.. =_=!! i like music but then i dun know any of the instruments and my voice is not dat good. I like designs as in architectural or interior but then my family can't support me in that as thy are financially not stable and thy think thr's no future in dat (in M'sia). These course costs alot as well. Mom suggested me to b a beautician but then in long term i plan to migrate to Aussie and beautician is not really needed in the country. Whereas chef is different, but then im really not sure if this is what i really wanted or is this what i can really succeed in doing.

Decision making is not that easy, since you are someone that had made $ to earn a living and nw you're sacrificing everything to go back studies where that means limited $ for you as part-time wont even offer that much. I have a car to pay, facial product that is not cheap to buy( i can't use cheap products as my face is sensitive) - Kanebo is not bad. my face improve alot after the facial treatments and product im using. Oh! yea, i had just invest in not so cheap make-up products which won't damage my face easily. BTW, girls don't use cheap shopping-mall-u-can-find facial products (neutrogena, bio-essence etc etc.) if u don't want to spoil your face in long term. Not to say its really bad but then those u can find in Giant or sth like Watsons is all lower range products so that's why it costs not that much. If u want to really have good and nice complexion you need to invest in better product. And better means more costly. Luckily i have my mum and dad to sponsor me for the 1st time. but after that i would need to buy myself. Kinda sad cause i know i wont be able to afford as it costs $500+ for the whole set. I really need $$$$. But im glad and blessed to have such a good parents. Thy had pamper me alot ever since i came back from KL. even in Kl i wasn't being pampered so much. Made me really feels like home once again. I still remember how mummy used to pat me to sleep everyday when i was small and how daddy used to being me out wherever he go, how mummy used to beat me until i cry bcuz i was so naughty that i only realize them now the reason behind all of it. Daddy used to let me piggyback ride him when there were those stage performance where i was too short to even see them. Now its my turn to fetch them wherever they want to go and help them as much as i can and by God's grace hopefully financial will turn out to be good for our family and i will be able to let them have a good living and no more worries.

Im so sorry that im still not able to sort out the financial for you guys. but i really appreciate everything that you have done for me. No one can compare to the love that both of u have given me and the pamper that you have shown me with. Thank you mummy and daddy. I love you so much.

I'm BACK!!!

2009-10-23T22:12:00.000-07:00

it really feels good to be back as a blogger after so many months of not blogging. And now im starting everything anew. this means new blog skins and new pictures, new direction.. in short ' NEW'. Good news is that i might be continuing back my studies in sth i desire the most. That's a good start. And the second thing is life has never been better and im blessed everyday by God's grace. Things has been really smooth for me all these while. But today, FB is kinda in a haywire situation. So can't really FB today but i did find some really pretty cool things to do other den facebook-ing. ok i am not in my dad's office doing practically nth.. been having a great whole three weeks since i came back here.. funnnnn. and guess what i gained so many ctra weight since i came back here. good food.. good rest.. phewwww right now im trying to save back my face which is full of impurities due to congestions.. so been alwiz going for facial past two weeks.. so dat explain the red marks as well as the pimples on my skin.. darn!!! but in a few mth's time im sure its gonna get better.. =)
Theres a few things i missed when im without an internet

Facebook-ing
Shoutout aka your daily dose of fun... =)
all my shouters shouters sekalian
my readers (which i guess left d cuz my blog has been filled with spider webs)

But nevertheless.. im gonna keep updating my blog frm time to time now.. and mostly will be abt while im in KL, and when im bk in PG.. kekekzzzz....

till then adiossss!! love u all